I actually meant what I said. From what I have read, children adjust better when the parents are friendly, not just tolerant of each other.
I struggle with this as I am very able to get along with my STBX and we even vacationed together but I sometimes feel that I am cosigning his BS by doing so. It is confusing. However, if I knew it was in the best interest of the kids, it would really help me feel okay about it.
My judgements about H are just that, no matter how "right" I or everyone else thinks I am...he has a right to make the choices he's making even though I think he's really screwing up. That has been part of my evolution. I do not have to be friends with him and I do not have to vacation with him but I am trying to accept that he is on his own path. In turn, my anger and bitterness subsides and I find it easier to be friendly, even jovial with him.
Still, I often long for my kids to know that I am not in collusion with his behavior and I want them to know "right" from "wrong" but the interesting thing is that they see that mommy and daddy CAN get along very well when we want to which pokes a giant hole in his excuse and they are recognizing that daddy is making a choice for very selfish reasons and they are starting to call him on it.
Overall, I am trying to make decisions based on what is in my best interest and my kids and not to make a point or punish him. I have no idea if it will end up being the right call. Sometimes I want to tell him he's an a**hole and never speak to him again which may very well happen yet.
