One more thing, somebody tell me if I'm nuts. This thought keeps popping thru my brain. If she goes to the basement tonight to "work" which I bet she will, what she has to work on tonight won't require the internet (she has told me what she needs to get done tonight and the fact she wants us both to go to bed earlier tonight). If the internet just happened to not be working... Yes I know how to make that happen pretty easy and blame it on the cable company... Might make me feel better, though in the long run not really doing anything. Thoughts?
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
OK GW, First of all, don't get yourself worked up about how you responded today. To successfully DB all the time is so hard. I don't think I've seen anyone on these boards be able to maintain it all the time. We are human and this kind of sitch is the most unbelievably painful thing anyone can go through.Your feelings are valid and you have every right to them. Memorial services are difficult at the best of times, let alone with everything you are going through. so, give yourself a break. You can pick yourself up, and get back on track. It's ok.
Now, having said that... that is exactly what you need to do. She saw your emotion. That is not a bad thing. She needs to remember you are human, and you are in pain. BUT, she is in WAS fog land right now, so that is not going to have as much of an impact as it should. When people experience the addictive rush that comes with contact during an A, they don't let themselves think about potential consequences, what they have to lose, or how much they are hurting people, even their own kids. It's hard to fathom, but that is the truth.
Take a few deep breaths, get your perspective back. Remember you are doing this for your kids and their future. Remind yourself that you are calm, confident, and in control of your own life. Remind yourself you are an amazing man and that you will live that out in your life whether she can see it or not. You have suppported her and been faithful to her, and your are a great dad. Let that boost your confidence. You've vented your emotions here, and now when you see her, you smile, you act in control, you are busy, your are fine... etc. You can show support to her, but don't go overboard.
Remember, everyone has a bad day, it's not the end of the world. Time to move on and keep going....
Thank you rocked. I've got the office close up, most others have gone home, I need to get this out me. Its been a miserable day. I fought back tears the entire memorial service, entire ride back with co-worker who admitted he lost it, and now in the office again.
Thanks again, I just needed someone to listen and need a friend right now and this forum is all I got.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
One more thing, somebody tell me if I'm nuts. This thought keeps popping thru my brain. If she goes to the basement tonight to "work" which I bet she will, what she has to work on tonight won't require the internet (she has told me what she needs to get done tonight and the fact she wants us both to go to bed earlier tonight). If the internet just happened to not be working... Yes I know how to make that happen pretty easy and blame it on the cable company... Might make me feel better, though in the long run not really doing anything. Thoughts?
Totally understandable GW... I "forgot" to pay the cell phone bill during the height of my H's A so he had to go a few days without that contact. Kinda made me feel better, but they just find other ways if they are determined. Like I said, my H then just got another phone.... If that happens, your W will find another way to contact if she really wants to, and it doesn't change the fact that she WANTS to (if that is the case). Know what I mean? So, yeah, it might give you some short term relief from things, but long term doesn't do anything.
Thank you rocked. I've got the office close up, most others have gone home, I need to get this out me. Its been a miserable day. I fought back tears the entire memorial service, entire ride back with co-worker who admitted he lost it, and now in the office again.
Thanks again, I just needed someone to listen and need a friend right now and this forum is all I got.
You are not alone GW. This forum was my lifeline when things were at their worst. I don't know what I would have done without it. I am happy to do that for others too. Take care or yourself my friend.
Ok - I think I got it out me. I finally let a few tears fall from everything and from just being drained. Might let a few more go, but I got to get it together like now, because since I am the parent not in a freakin FOG, I got leave within 15 minutes to get the kids. Anger, that's good. Trust me, anger snaps me out of these funks quicker than anything and I can get my anger back under control. Poker face, calm, confident, in control. If she brings up this afternoon, I'll just tell her she caught me a weak moment, I didn't handle the memorial service well, timing was off. I'm past it now. What's on the venue for tonight.
I can do this. SCREW her, she had the A, I have remained 100% faithful for 14.5 years putting up with a lot of crap along the way. I have to be the leader in bringing this back together. And yes i still might disconnect the internet, or at least until I know its past midnight in the state he's in! HA!
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
The only other thing I am still toying with in my mind is going back to Church. At some point I need to tell her I want to go back and I want to take the kids with me, with or without her. I think she is afraid to step foot back in a church because of the guilt, she knows what she did (probably still doing) was/is wrong. I could use some extra strength these days, and maybe I could find some that way.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Rocked - once again thank you. I'm a complete stranger typing on a computer but you've really been there for me the last few days, along with sandi, lost and others. It has meant a ton to me, I literally have no one else to talk too about this. If you remember earlier in my stitch there was a female co-worker who I talked with and then people said cut it off. I did. Then turned it back on a little via e-mail, then stopped again. This particular co-worker is not around, out of town for about 6 weeks.
Break, break. As I was typeing W calls me! SHOCK! I had the game face, thank goodness she didn't call 5 minutes ago, and Rocked, you ROCK, I wouldn't have pulled it together without seeing your support. I had it on. She offered to grab the girls and bring them to me since she had to go by the house anyways. I said not thank, I'm leaving with the next 10 minutes, it'll be easier for me just to go home. I said I just got done dealing with situation XYZ which she asked about and I explained, so now that the crisis was handled I could leave. Besides there is no heat in the building, so no reason to stick around. She said she had to come back to get her stuff and then leave. I said I assume you will stick around for a while to get stuff in order and she said no, "I just want to get home to spend time with the girls and you and get them in bed and then I can deal with what I need to do for work" I was strong, confident, upbeat, made sure to have a firm/loud tone in my voice.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
GW, Stay strong man, you are doing pretty damn good. Your attitude is great, keep it up. Church is a great idea, I have been going myself for several weeks. Your kids are young enough(not teenagers), to get them going again without too much difficulty. Do whatever you can to make the "contact" difficult, do not enable it in anyway. My prayers are with you.
You are more than welcome. We are all strangers to each other, yet we can understand each other like no one else can. I also know what it is like with high profile jobs you can't just talk about this with anyone... I am still in that sitch. It is a very lonely feeling, so this support system makes such a difference.
Good job handling the phone call!
About going to church, that sounds like a great idea, and would be good for your kids too. I found that this crisis in my life has brought me back to my faith in a way I never expected. I have found that releasing it all to God (so much that is outside my control) has been the only thing that has brought some peace.
I hope your evening goes well, and you DB your a*$ off! lol
