OK GW, First of all, don't get yourself worked up about how you responded today. To successfully DB all the time is so hard. I don't think I've seen anyone on these boards be able to maintain it all the time. We are human and this kind of sitch is the most unbelievably painful thing anyone can go through.Your feelings are valid and you have every right to them. Memorial services are difficult at the best of times, let alone with everything you are going through. so, give yourself a break. You can pick yourself up, and get back on track. It's ok.
Now, having said that... that is exactly what you need to do. She saw your emotion. That is not a bad thing. She needs to remember you are human, and you are in pain. BUT, she is in WAS fog land right now, so that is not going to have as much of an impact as it should. When people experience the addictive rush that comes with contact during an A, they don't let themselves think about potential consequences, what they have to lose, or how much they are hurting people, even their own kids. It's hard to fathom, but that is the truth.
Take a few deep breaths, get your perspective back. Remember you are doing this for your kids and their future. Remind yourself that you are calm, confident, and in control of your own life. Remind yourself you are an amazing man and that you will live that out in your life whether she can see it or not. You have suppported her and been faithful to her, and your are a great dad. Let that boost your confidence. You've vented your emotions here, and now when you see her, you smile, you act in control, you are busy, your are fine... etc. You can show support to her, but don't go overboard.
Remember, everyone has a bad day, it's not the end of the world. Time to move on and keep going....
