For what it's worth, I've heard both the "OP is a good man, a good person, a decent friend who cares for me" and "You're a better man than OP could ever be", and just about everything imaginable in between - obviously at different points of time.
Remember when you started to DB? You're a fantastic, fabulous person, irrespective of H, W, OM, OW, whatever. Your spouse is lucky (s)he woke up in time to see that. It's great you are piecing but this self-worth is valuable and empowering, never lose it again! What I was driving at is not to lose sight of this in the different emotional states you may be feeling.
And no, I do not consider myself "past" that point, rocked. I hate what OM did to my family in the past, but I will not let anyone do to me what I allowed them to do before my period of growth after.
Perhaps you can try what I did as a start towards moving on. I could not pray for OM too, but I could pray for OMW, his kids, his family. And I did pray for his wife even before I busted the A. I believe they could be having their own issuesand I feel sorry for her in a way.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
.
