Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[P17]

so let's say wh was crying about us. I ask him what's wrong. I INITIATE THE CONVERSATION by doing this.

Ask him if he has been crying or say his eyes are red, are you okay?.

If I say nothing, then if he wants to talk, he will initiate the conversation.

But if you ask him above then you are opening the door to him and letting him know it is okay to talk. He will either say he's fine, he got something in his eye or what. Maybe he was crying and wanted to talk but felt he couldn't?

oh and you may not know this but wh has cried:
1)telling me about OW
2)telling me he can't decide
3)telling me he will file for D
4)telling me he doesn't want to not see his S
5)when S was born. SO WH crying has never happened when he wanted to tell me good news about how much he loves me or how he has made a mistake etc.

Understood. But at least he has talked about it. Many WAS's (mine included) don't.

therefore I associate wh crying with bad news about our R and I don't want to discuss our R.

I know YOU don't want to discuss your R, but maybe HE DOES? By just saying 'hey are you okay' or something equally as benign you are showing he can talk to you. If he wants to talk about the weather, okay. If he wants to talk to you about the R then that should be okay too.

That is just my grasp on the sitch. You unlock the door and if he chooses to open it and walk through then cool. If not, then that's cool too. But he can't decide to do either if he doesn't know if it's locked or not.

DBing says YOU don't talk about the R but if the WAS wants to you listen. The WAS will only talk about the R if they feel safe doing so.

I know it's fear newmama. Your last few posts are obvious that it's about that. I understand your fear but you need to embrace it and suck it up because being afraid of it isn't doing anybody any good.. If he tells you he wants to D then okay, you'll handle it. Hiding from it isn't going to change his mind is it?

Would you rather he told you he wants a D now or in another 9 months? Would you like to hear that him and OW are getting on well? Would you like to hear that he actually got soap in his eye and it was stinging?