Been down the last couple of days but I'm better now. Woke this morning with a feeling of frustration. Not at W but at myself for not changing fast enough. Need to cut myself some slack I guess.
Little more than three weeks left to retro and I'm not sure what to do. Ready2Change suggested I continue to work on myself - good idea!
Been reading the boundaries book by cloud and townsend among other things. Very good book. Kind of led me to an epiphany of sorts. One of the things I've been trying to do for a long time is to fix my (our) R. In doing this I've failed to allow my W to "enjoy" the benefits of her decision to live her life away from our family. There are consequences to actions and she has not felt them because I have not allowed her to reap what she has sown.
Additionally, by my actions of not letting go I have shifted the focus. Kind of like an idiot screaming in a move theater I became the focus instead of the main attraction.
I'm also learning were I have failed to respect boundaries of other people. I can be a steam roller when it comes to getting my own way. Guess that's another area to work on. Always painful to read about negative traits I guess.
Meeting with IC tomorrow. Going to have a heart to heart. Not sure she is meeting my needs anymore. May be time to move on to someone new. I kind of need someone to keep me on task and club my with a 2x4 every now and again. Kind of like my personal trainer at the gym.
Well enough rambling for me.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
