I told her the cause of a MLC was usually an unresolved childhood incident, and for women it often was issues about an unloving father. This hit her hard.
I said that a person in MLC their mind fractures and becomes a hybrid of the adult they are and the child they were, and that is the where the pain and confusion come from, and they are that person until they resolve this issue.
W's dad is a helicopter pilot and was away her entire childhood....
W- “Sometimes a part of me wants you to find someone else and fall madly in love with them, so you can be with someone who is going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”
from the J3B archives--
I think I'm in the getting good 1.0 part-
my wife has said, pretty much these exact words.
dude I'm comin to anchorage some time so we can hang.
Just got off the phone w W.
You woulda been so proud of me!!!!!
talking to SW (son with first name starting with W)-- he talked about the great weekend with the OM's other kids... and how OM and all of them went to Target. W completely lied to me about this. I did not pry, and I did not ask, 'was OM there that night of the sleepover?"
how proud of me are you dude>?
I focused on him, on us. he talked about some game, and, "could you come here on the weekend so we can play it?"
talk about a stake through the heart bro.
other one, SJ (Son with J as first initial)... he is so sweet, had a nice talk w him.
then talked to W. remember that I got a separate account today. I didn't talk to her all day-- or text...
we had a great talk. she talked to me about how someone wanted her to go out to utah for a 7 day zen buddhism course. she told me that she'd like to talk to her husband (me) to see if I wanted to go with her
WTFWTFWTF
I literally was hitting myself in the head as she told me this.
still detatched, still knowing I'm talking to an alien. I said, "thank you for thinking of me...that's really cool. I'm all about zen buddhism".
but dude. what a wierd thing. this MLC thing is crazy.
did I mention I lost 10 lbs on the MLC diet?
I am 6'2"... I weigh 175 now... I haven't weighed 175 since I was probably 19 years old.
we should set up an infomercial and start selling this diet... I guess it would be hard to replicate.
anyhow, tryin to keep hopes down, know its an alien, stayed detatched, and ended convo first
and didn't ask the kids, "did om stay there the night of the big sleepover?"
OM did go get legos and stuff w them at Target though. blood boiled at that. I seriously have thought some bad thoughts about that guy. haven't we all?
I would like to make a point here, pay attention. I could very very easily snoop through her car, and cell phone and pockets. In fact there is a very small part of me that has considered it. I won't. Why? Pay attention. Nothing good comes from it.
Quote:
She is my friend with another life outside of the one I want. If I snoop I do not trust her. Should I trust her? If I don't trust her then I have no foundation for a friendship. If I find something, then I go back to zero starting point, I do not want that.
The person my W is right now, is not my W, she is not the one I am waiting for, not fully. The person I am waiting for, will not hide things from me. So I am practicing toward THAT person, that person I trust fully. Until then I can practice.
J3B-
I honestly think you should write a book--- or hell, just print out your posts here.
You really seemed to have such an amazing insight into this. I am impressed.
Not generally a good idea to bring it up to them, but I think many of us do. Not to pat my own back, but I think the way I did it was one of the better ways.
However, it didn't matter much as you will discover if you keep reading.
Not mentioning OM IS hard, I am proud. Keep it up.
Quote:
and I did not ask, 'was OM there that night of the sleepover?"
Very good job. Involving the kids I will jump ugly on you for if you do. Keep them as protected as possible. At 6 you want them to be innocent and clueless about this.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
While it is true, the above stuff...it is also alot of fluff. I thought things were going very well in regard to my wife, basically I was buying into her BS.
As for a book...I think Michelle Weiner Davis might have a problem with it, besides she already has a couple amazing books. : )
I am not sure that posting up my older stuff is neccessarily a good idea until you get to the bad stuff.
I thought I could do what I was writting...and I could as long as everything was what it seemed to be...when I found out it wasn't...I felt pretty hypocritical.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
