LEA74 thanks you for your affirmation. I will get up to speed on your sitch tonight I have to work with some folks tonight.
I sure hope I have it right but who knows. One thing I have learned in my experience Is that domestic situations are totally unpredictable. Sure there is logic and goes out the window when people are put under stress/duress.
I do know that my fortitude has had a growth spurt in the past month. Kinda spontaneous not planned but as I explained in an earlier post, I feel like I've been pushed into a corner and I need to respond for self preservation.
Update: I have after w stated she was backing out of her joint obligations I am putting the next part of my plan in motion tomorrow AM. Will update with results late tomorrow night. Don't know who all reads here. My attempt to induce reality and crisis for w.
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
"what her atty is telling her is going to be very different than what goes down"
My Atty said they know W atty (bully) very well, She tells her prospective clients everything they want to hear to reel them in... Part 2 of my 3 part plan in motion..
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
My H retained an attny like your W - the bully that promised the world, told him his affair was a non-issue and promised him the world. HE GOT NEXT TO NOTHING!
I am so, so glad you have a good attny that will work for you and with you! Yay! I know it is not easy or fun to deal with an attny for this reason but take great comfort in knowing you have somebody on your side that knows the law. I am so pleased for you!
Whatever happens, know that you are doing what is right for you. And make sure that crisis plan is within life itself and not a made up situation. im sure you know what you are doing.
Just great job all over, and yes you certainly are doing very well, Your wife may D you, but she may not. One thing is for sure, without changing you, as you have done, there was no chance for the M at all.
My wife thought I would be perfectly fine with seeing the kids every other weekend, lol. That was one of the first wrenches I though in her crazy plan, I said I truly expect to get the children 50/50.
My former fogged out wife's plan, pre-bomb -Tell Burt, I do not love him anymore, give him all the reasons why. -He will be relieved (she asked if I was) because he probably wants the same thing. -We are good friends anyway, he would be easy to work with during the D. -Tell him to move in the guest room for now. -Tell kids that we both wanted this and they will be fine with it. Ill get that bood how to tell the children, it will be easy. -Have Burt move out of the house into apartment. -Agree on visitation, me full custody, Burt, visitation every other weekend. -I will get a job with a school so I can be home during the summers and after school. Im sure it will pay at least $50,000. -Sell the house and buy 2 smaller houses side by side so the children can go back and forth real easily. -Im sure with maintenance and child support he will pay me about $5,000 a month. -Still be friends with Dburt afterwards.
She did not get one of these right, and would correct her when she assumed anything of me. Went for that job and found out that she was not qualified for it, even after she went to the intro to Word and excel class. Found out it paid $9.00 an hour. I would not move out, I moved back into the bedroom, said I would fight for at least 50/50 custody. Guaranteed her that I would not be friends with her, I could not be friends with someone that broke up my family. Absolutely would not live where SHE wanted me to live. And under no circumstances would I lie for her when informing the kids. She couldn't believe that I would hurt the children like that, I told her the irony is killing me.
My point is everytime you throw a wrench in their plan, a small piece of fog may burn off, at least it did for my wife. This allows them to see the changes you are making, and God willing, have a change of heart.
Whatever happens, know that you are doing what is right for you. And make sure that crisis plan is within life itself and not a made up situation. im sure you know what you are doing.
DBURT: Thanks for your response,, the crisis I'm am intending is the direct result of actions (hers) have consequences
Quote:
Just great job all over, and yes you certainly are doing very well, Your wife may D you, but she may not. One thing is for sure, without changing you, as you have done, there was no chance for the M at all.[/qoute]
exactly , if I didn't act, w would D me, so if I act,the worst result would be the same..
[quote] My wife thought I would be perfectly fine with seeing the kids every other weekend, lol. That was one of the first wrenches I though in her crazy plan, I said I truly expect to get the children 50/50.
My former fogged out wife's plan, pre-bomb -Tell Burt, I do not love him anymore, give him all the reasons why. -He will be relieved (she asked if I was) because he probably wants the same thing. -We are good friends anyway, he would be easy to work with during the D. -Tell him to move in the guest room for now. -Tell kids that we both wanted this and they will be fine with it. Ill get that bood how to tell the children, it will be easy. -Have Burt move out of the house into apartment. -Agree on visitation, me full custody, Burt, visitation every other weekend. -I will get a job with a school so I can be home during the summers and after school. Im sure it will pay at least $50,000. -Sell the house and buy 2 smaller houses side by side so the children can go back and forth real easily. -Im sure with maintenance and child support he will pay me about $5,000 a month. -Still be friends with Dburt afterwards.
DBURT: that script is so F'n f'n f'n identical to my w actions/responses/script, that its scary..
Quote:
She did not get one of these right, and would correct her when she assumed anything of me. Went for that job and found out that she was not qualified for it, even after she went to the intro to Word and excel class. Found out it paid $9.00 an hour. I would not move out, I moved back into the bedroom, said I would fight for at least 50/50 custody. Guaranteed her that I would not be friends with her, I could not be friends with someone that broke up my family. Absolutely would not live where SHE wanted me to live. And under no circumstances would I lie for her when informing the kids. She couldn't believe that I would hurt the children like that, I told her the irony is killing me.
My point is everytime you throw a wrench in their plan, a small piece of fog may burn off, at least it did for my wife. This allows them to see the changes you are making, and God willing, have a change of heart.
Burt
I am trying to burn thru this fog of hers, but I can only present the info,,, how W processes it is her issue..
Thanks, again DBURT, you made my night with your post..
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
Ok, this is what I have accomplished today to get my life back together and take control of MY direction in life...
Called/hired new atty this morning and spoke at length about my current situation... Told him W filed 12/29 but I had not been served yet. His response was, "that's odd for this area, even with the holidays, you should have received something.... Never the less, give her atty my name and I will act as receiver for the D summons."
So now I don't have to endure the embarrassment of being served at work (high profile position)... He explained a host of other things that, if are relevant, I will post in further updates...
I will give the "I get it" speech after a bit more reviewing on this site...
I will tell W that we need to have a talk with the kids, tell them whats going on. If she lies or misinforms I will correct her in front of the kids. I want to ensure that she Owns this! I will settle for nothing less than..
"W: I went to a lawyer and filed for a divorce from your dad. I do not want to be married to him any longer."
NEXT, I made an appointment and met this eve with my realtor and my home is officially now on the market. Sign goes up in 2 days (want to talk with the kids before they see it). W tells me after batsh!t crazy night, the day I move back in that she now DECIDED that whats good for her is for us to be apart, so she's moving out effective 2/1. In MC she semi-recants saying that it would be better financially that she stay in the house.
I will now tell W that the home is up for sale, I have no idea of sale date but she needs to prepare in the event that it does.
Again, I will let her drive the legal D train, I will just respond as things legal come about... I'm just taking care of my best interests now and doing what I need to do to protect myself..
Whew,, Am I wrong, or have I made any mistakes or left anything out? Input greatly appreciated..
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
DDogs, You are a DB all star. Great job. It is so ironic that what you have to do in order to have a chance, and even then you may not have a chance. At least you have found yourself and will be a strong, confident man. One piece of advice i recieved, if you want to leave a chance for repair, make sure there is a smooth road to get there, it maybe very narrow, but a road. My prayers are with you man.
