Yes I want your advise... No I havent set a boundary. I suck at it and am faced with a lot of fear as he is home again and couldnt bare him leaving again... And no this isnt the life I want. I want him in it but do not want to live this way.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Sometimes it helps to write out exactly where you think you should be so you can figure out how to get there.
It may be a very long time before you and your H view where you "should be" as the same. Your H is home but he is not really working on the marriage, correct?
There is no "should be". Whatever you had before wasn't working, for whatever reason.
Now that he's back, you have an opportunity to keep the best parts of your relationship while working on the worst parts.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Yes I want your advise... No I havent set a boundary. I suck at it and am faced with a lot of fear as he is home again and couldnt bare him leaving again... And no this isnt the life I want. I want him in it but do not want to live this way.
I have often read on this forum people who say "I just want to go back to the way things used to be with us" and unfortunately that's just plain dumb
The way things "were" is what brought people to the place they're at now.
You want something different and you know what, you shouldn't be afraid to ask for it, in fact that is your boundary, "this isn't good enough for me, I want a better relationship, this will just bring us back to where we were and I'm not going through that $hit all over again!"
If you're afraid to say this to your husband, are you more willing to repeat typing up this thread for a 2nd time and telling us how you should have spoken up when you had a chance, how you should have set boundaries with how you allow people to talk to you and treat you, how settling for someone's crap behavior sucks because you're even more unhappy, how this type of relationship is depressing you?
Think of your marriage as a ship that hit an iceberg and is taking on water. You make it back to the harbor and have someone pump all the water out of the holds. Yay! You're afloat again. So you set sail for the next leg of your journey... only problem is you forgot to patch that danged hole the iceberg made.
Your boundaries are the patch to ensure the ship doesn't sink. Without the patch _________________
