HI mar I have been reading your thready with enthusiasm. I find that our sitch is very similar. I too am recently divorced and me ex and I share a very intimate friendship ourselves.
I find it very hard at time not to have expectations. I know where you are coming from. I wish there was an easy way to to just charm the pants off our Xs and start again.
What always gets me in trouble is her going out. She is an attractive woman and can have any man she wants. As a matter of fact there was an OM in the picture for a bit, and I believe she still pines for him.
The day she told me the divorce was official was really a strange day. I didn't say much to her. She sat there and told me how she still wanted us to be friends. She was not interested in dating anyone in particular, but she wanted to date. But in the end she this is what really confused me, she said at the end of the day i want you to be able come back to me and me to you. We proceeded to ML right after that.
I have my days where things just don't work right. I recently was let go from job of 6 years ( i got a temp job immediately) but i was still feeling like a failure. She had invited me for steaks that day and i declined as i was feeling bad. She insisted i come over but i knew that i didn't want her to see me in a pathetic state.
However friday comes along and i feel miserable. I did what you should not do. I called her and asked her/begged her to come over as i was feelnig lonely. Yeah pathetic. She declined. But said i should spend the night the next day. So i did. That was a mistake too. We kissed here and there at her behest. but when i initiate, she declined. That hurt my ego. QUite a bit. So i told her i wasn't handling this and left. Mistake number 2.
I spend the entire day lamenting what i did. I picked myself up and tried to develop a PMA. WE texted today and she invited me to steaks today. I accepted and told her i dusted off my cobwebs.
PMA the rest of the way. Do i see light here? She has said that she is able to enjoy me more now that the D is final. I feel her waffling back and forth still.
