After this, I dated a woman for a time - which, if any of you remember the debates at the time - I've come to the conclusion that it's not a good idea. Don't do it.
So you dated a woman for a time and you've come to the conclusion that it's not a good idea but you say your wife is having 2nd thoughts about the divorce now, she is showing some affection, wanting to spend time with you and questioning her relationship with the OM.
Listen Bill, you moved on and your wife finally started to see that you aren't going to wait forever but here's the catch, even though you say all of what you did say to your wife, actions are louder than words, you spend time with her, you tell each other you love each other, you talk about postponing the divorce, possibly even getting some counselling, etc.
BUT....
she is still seeing the OM.
You gave her a glimpse that you would move on if you had to and that got her worried because you removed yourself from the list of available options to her but you see you are still an option.
If she is with the OM, I wouldn't spend any time with her and in fact I would continue dating other women. If you were able to date one woman, find another and date. Date casually, it's called "hanging out", no relationship, no involvement, just meeting another person, learning about them, having some fun by going for dinner or drinks, or being an activity partner, etc.
You moving on instilled some fear of loss in your wife, before you did any dating I'm sure she wasn't as receptive as she is now, I'm sure she wasn't talking about counselling or postponing finalizing the divorce and she wasn't discussing the unfortunate side effects of a divorce: money, kids, different living arrangements, etc.
Continue to make yourself scarce, if she's still with OM all she is doing is talking, and TALK IS CHEAP.
