Don't know where to post this.

[loveherstill]

If it would help I can post the emails between female friend and wife. Let me know. I do know that my wife is thinking harder than ever before. I am committed to being the best me I can be for her and my sons. This will not happen quick but it will happen consistently. One day you are hit hard with a 2X4 and you look in the mirror with clear eyes for the first time. You begin to realize that you hate the man looking back at you. You have no choice but to begin the journey towards becoming better.

This man was me in early October. I told W if she wanted to be free that my life insurance policy would allow it. She held me as I cried, as I was ready to give my life for her to have financial freedom. She told me no and told me that she loved me still and children needed me. She just did not want to be with me.

This compassion from her showed me hope. I had my rock bottom moment and I have been working on me ever since.

I have gone without a plan. I have tried to play with jealousy. I have backslid some. But all in all I have made forward progress on myself. Three steps forward and one step back (every now and again two steps back). 14 years of habit is tough to break, but I will either break my habits or break myself. This is for me and my children. She will also greatly benefit.

Not looking to be a doormat but I am not looking to have complete control either (I did for so many years).

Thank you