I talked to her before about moving out and she tells me that she is planning on doing so but never gives me any specific date. I think she is stashing money away so that she can leave. I am about to force her hand a little to see what happens.
Create your reality by making it happen.
You know now that hanging in there and hoping for a change on your w's part isn't going to happen.
Let her go, in fact it's the letting go and detaching and moving on with your life which is probably going to be more successful if anything would ever be "successful" in your situation.
But don't just try something to "see what happens", that's half-assed effort and you'll get half-assed results.
Get her to move out, if you have to tell her why it has to be now, you tell her that if she has time enough to plan for and go on a trip, she has time enough to move out and when she's on her trip, you will be helping her move out by packing all of her things in boxes and she can arrange to have them placed in a storage locker somewhere and she can stay with one of her "girlfriends" while she finds a new place. Tell her you need your freedom from her and you aren't waiting anymore for her to decide when she wants to do this, this is your life and you've decided that what happened and how your marriage dragged on in limbo in 2009 was enough for you, 2010 is different, it's January, time for you to move on with your life and get a fresh start and that means she has to leave, tell her there will be no discussion, it's your decision to make. She made her decision that she didn't want to be married to you anymore and you have to respect that but now she has to respect that you don't want her around anymore, tell her that you get it now, you understand how she feels because now you feel the same way and you wouldn't want to be with someone who wouldn't be with you by choice and now you're choosing the same thing, you don't want to be with her anymore and the first step in accomplishing that is her moving out.
She may get angry, she may argue, she may turn it around on you and in fact, I would expect it but just remain calm during this process, just tell her you understand how she feels when she's exploding all over the place and you're just standing there cool as a cucumber, tell her you feel the same way and you can't wait until she leaves so that you can enjoy some peace in your life.
You won't pursue her anymore, you hope she has a good life as you will make sure that your life from now on is awesome. That's your plan & goal for 2010.
