I am back and again thank you so much for all the encouraging and "real" answers. I can truly apprecciate everyone keeping it "real" with me. "Undefeated" because sometimes the truth is harsh and necessary some people can't OR are not ready to handle it but I so appreciate your input as it is based on similar life experiences.
Cutterbug, YES I am happy to report that I did go and purchase the book by Shirley P Glass and WOW!!!!! How informative. I just bought it yesterday and am stunned at how it exploits EA and how the betrayed partner feels. It states that I will not see any progress of healing from the EA until one year from the anniversary my H discoverd the affair. Knowledge is power and although this book is informative it is helping me to better understand the damage I've done and why space is important.
The book also stated that the betrayed spouse may not feel as though they are ready to reconcile until they are PAID BACK IN FULL FROM THE TRAUMA of the affair. To be honest I did not realize or view this EA as a trauma. Guess because when my H and I separated I didn't think he loved or cared for me anymore. Shortly after the separation is when the affair began. This book is so in tuned with the realization of EA and how to process thru it all. I found myself shaking my head yes to a lot of different viewpoints offered.
I must be honest in that I am a little disappointed that my husband has not called me or reached out to me. I find myself feeling like enough already! He is just being ridiculous, after all the hard work I've put into apologizing and calling etc. I have reached the point where I am open to reconciling but understand that it won't be possible until he is ready and NO ONE knows when that is. The book stated there is a cooling period after the EA is discovered and could last 3 months. Well, Im entering my 4th month and although I see some progress it's NOT nearly where I'd like it to be. Sometimes I feel like I should just move on completely and change my phone # so he can never call me. Guess that's makes no sense cause he DOESN'T call me now.
As far as sending the OM a NC, I think it would be a fantastic idea to the the with H. I'm sure he would be thrilled to do that whenever he decides he wants to work things out.
Cutterbug, I have also thought about your questions. The reason I entered an EA was because I always felt last on my husbands priority list. I'm a very attractive woman and enjoy taking care of myself so I couldn't understand why his family and friends seemed to always come first and he could never say NO to them. I also had the SIL from hell who was jealous of our lifestyle and did everything she could to annoy me. She called all the time with drama and it appeared to me that she dictated how some of my husbands free time was spent. Helping her with her boys, going to get Starbuck's in the morning, hanging out for other events with cousins. Plus I was sick and tired of always going to a dinner and movie. He started to have some sexual issues and needed to see a Dr. and I was at my wits end so that I why I left and shortly after began the EA. The OM was younger, HOT body, very sexual, and devoted all of his free time to me. I ended the EA because I was snapped back into reality when receiving the divorce papers and realized OM was psycho and could never love or provide for me the way my husband can.
As far as is love languages go, my H calls thoughout the day to check in on me. He likes to cook for me. He communicates frequently that he loves me but that hasn't happened in a very long time so maybe his love languages have been meaningful to someone else these days but not for me.
As far as my cooking and cleaning goes, I never really cooked or cleaned a lot. I work 8 plus hours a day and our home was pretty big for the two of us so I would hire help to clean. When my husband stated that it's not like I missed your cooking or cleaning, it was his way of making fun of the fact that I hardly cooked or cleaned unlike his mom who cooks and cleans 24/7. I would too if all I did was babysit and could a million times a day.
For the sake of my own sanity I need to just continue to not call. Continue to take myself out to the movies, get massages weekly for stress, hang out with girlfriends, and read.
If I start dating again, I'm miserable and if I wait for my husband who may never return I'm miserable. What a HOT MESS it is to be me!
