Don't know where to post this.

[loveherstill]

W wanted to know the details of a online chat I had with a male mutual friend of ours that she broke the news to first. She thought that I am holding myself blameless for the breakdown of the M. This is the email I sent her.


W,

You wanted to know what I told B. It is the same that I have told all who asked. I will never deny any of my faults or wrong doings in the breakdown of our relationship. I will own 100% of my mistakes and will take the blame for probably 90% of the problems in our marriage.

I am working hard on me. It is a long slow process but I am committed to being a better man. I love you deeply and am deeply remorseful for the pain that I have caused.

If you can find it within you to give me a chance I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for my failings.

The following is my side of the chat conversation.

H




I do love her deeply and am committed to making the marriage work. She is an wonderful, beautiful, intelligent woman who I admire very much, even today. I wish she would hear me when I say it to her, but since I only started saying it to her again in late October, I should not be dumbfounded that it falls on deaf ears. Maybe with enough time she will hear me.

I believe that she is still confused and affraid that I cannot forgive her and take her back without being a complete d*ck and holding this over her head forever.

I can forgive completely. I treated her badly and help create this mess in a big way.

I have told others that I am proud of her and attracted to her, just not her. That is our biggest problem, I never told her because I am a "Dumb A$$ed Man"

I thought that I did not have to tell her because I provided financially for her. That was not enough.

Fighting for the ones you love is way harder than physically fighting. I would rather walk in one on one with chuck liddell than go through this with W, she has been a good wife and a very good woman.

I love her and know that we can have the marriage that we always wanted if we can just work on it. I am changing into a different man than I have ever been and it feels good. I will not fail her again if she gives me another chance and I want nothing more than to give her another chance

I do not want to run her down or destroy her reputation all I want to do is understand her and this situation and learn how to change myself to save this marriage. I want to save it for the children, her, and myself

I know. My deal breakers are different. She broke the wedding vow of not cheating, but I broke the vows of not honnoring and cherishing her (at least to her face, I always told others how proud I was but tore her down to her face). So both of us broke wedding vows (I broke mine for a longer period of time)

I am ready to fix it. I want to remarry her and keep my vows forever.

Let's face it, she had sex with others before we got together and I got over it. I can get over this as well.

The easy thing to do is give up and move on. The hard thing to do is to continue to fight for this marriage. That is ok. Nothing worth having is ever easy. You have to fight for what you want in life.

I want my wife and my family. I will crawl through hell and back before I give up as they are worth every minute of pain that I must endure.

Been caught on fire before and the pain was bad, but I would gladly do it again if she would only ask. I will prove that I am serious about saving this marriage.

If she has to go through hell to come out better I will carry her through so that she does not get burned. I love her and I am very sorry for ever hurting her. I will be better and strive to never hurt her again.

I am hurt and so is she. This is a great opportunity to grow and heal and learn together. I do not like the affair but for me it is a valuable learning tool. It woke me up and makes me want to be a better man.

This is not a deal breaker because the learning experience is way too valuable. I will not be able to forget quickly but I can and have forgiven. I do not want her to forget either. I only ask that she forgive. If we forget we are doomed to repeat our mistakes.

Her cheating is seen as a mistake by me. She is human and is allowed to make mistakes. I only want her to stop cheating now. I have made the mistake of destroying her self esteem and I must help to rebuild it. I will fight as hard and as long as it takes as I love her.

I have loved her since we were 14 and 16. I will continue to love her. I still think highly of her and am still trying to protect her reputation. I have told none of my family and have told no one that she did not tell first besides a couple of close trusted friends and her family members who would not pass judgement against her and decide that she was evil forever.

I do not think she is a bad wife. I do not think she is a bad woman. I think she is hurt and scared and confused. I am as well. She has always been a good wife. She has always been a good woman. She simply is making a mistake with the cheating as I made a grave mistake by tearing down her self esteem. We can heal together if she will allow it.

H