When I read your posts; I get a feeling that there is a real lack of intimate communication between the two of you. And it may be why you feel that you do not "connect". Holding back feelings because you want to protect her from them does not help your marriage. You need to each let the other know what you expect in the M. However, it needs to be done carefully. In your case, I think it may be worth seeing a good MC. He/she can help guide the two of you to communicate about these delicate issues.
