I haven't actively posted here since October. At that point I had decided I was done, and had taken steps to move on. Lots of people here helped me through some awful situations, and I am very grateful for that.
A little summary - after 10 years of marriage, W announced she wanted D in late July and filed in August. I discovered over time that she was conducting an EA, which I confronted her on, and she agreed to stop. We went to Retrouvaille in October. In mid-October, I presented to her evidence that I'd collected that she was still seeing OM. I told her I was done and she needed to move out of the house. The next day she admitted to me that it had become a PA. I made the decision to move on.
After this, I dated a woman for a time - which, if any of you remember the debates at the time - I've come to the conclusion that it's not a good idea. Don't do it.
The arguements between my W and I escalated, and because she refused to move out, I did, in early December. I've had my twin boys (9 yo) stay with me there, it's all fine. After this, I found that I could again get a good night's sleep, my emotional state improved, etc. It was a good step. That raw manic dispair is gone.
Have still have had some bad fights with W, but here's the deal. I took her to a New Year's party; we spent New Year's day together. She calls me because she misses me and is lonely. I'm over at the house, really, all the time. We went and saw a movie together yesterday. We're not just doing things as a family, we're doing things together.
And she observes moments where it "feels like us"...
We talked yesterday, with her key points being that things are easier as a couple, concerns over impact to the kids, financial concerns, etc. She's talking about delaying the finalization of the divorce, which currently would be Feb/March at the earliest. SHe's said she doesn't want to make promises, but she's clearly having second thoughs. I told her that I'm well past the point of hope, so she doesn't have to worry about promises. But, there we were, sort of talking about talking about it. So the idea we talked about is going to family therapy - first focus being on the boys.
I told her that any effort to put this back together was going to be a long road. She agreed that she wasn't sure it was possible. I don't know if I could trust or forgive her - I know she's still involved with OM. And she's absorbed her own hurts through this process. What I said to her is that, we should be completely blown apart by this point, but somehow we keep coming together. We actually tell each other now, occasionally, that we love each other.
She thinks the the relationship was unhealthy, and the more we talked about it, we agreed that we both have a lot of things to work on as individuals. We can list them out. We have some idea of what happened. Now it's a question of, are they addressable. Can both of us believe.
Not sure what I want now. Not even sure what options are available, really. Not sure if this a relationship I want, if we could ever get to a point where we would be happy vs. just maintaining. Not sure if I want to go through the pain of having to talk about all the crap of the past 6 months, to air it out in the open. For both of us. On the other hand, I can see myself trying again. But I don't think I could take it if she stays in "wait and see" mode.
