I guess I am kinda journaling here. I kinda had a hard time after H left yesterday... been in a funk. Played a game with the kids so that helped! This morning, I couldn't help but think that H looked so "small" yesterday when he was here. Can't really pinpoint what I mean by that other than he used to seem bigger and stronger and I always felt safe in his arms. I knew that I could always count on him. Make any sense? Maybe I am successfully detaching and I should be happy about that I guess. I just keep thinking that IF he decides to come back and work on our R, will he ever be that man that he used to be? Will I ever look at him the same as I did when we first got married?
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Hi CW, Good job on the 180's! Just remember, you don't want to totally deny your feelings. They are real and valid! Just don't show them to H right now. Let yourself cry AFTER he leaves. You need to let it out! You are in emotional pain and that needs to be acknowledged. Also, I am concerned about your daughter. That does not sound like healthy detachment to me. It sounds like she is shutting down emotionally, and that is not good. You do not want to be like that. Have you thought about getting both your kids into counseling? It might be a good idea.
Hi RW and thanks for all the encouragement! I don't think that my D's reaction was any different than if H still lived here. The kids are both used to not seeing H during the week...IDK...I will keep an eye on her. She did mention that H talked about going to a movie or something next weekend and seems excited about that! Unfortunately, he told me that he will possibly have to work next weekend (which I do believe) so am not sure he will be able to make good on that offer!
Why can't we just wave a magic wand and make it all disappear?
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Ok...Major setback here...I can barely type! Just off the phone with my DIL. She ran into H at therapy. OW was with in the truck. DIL confronted H. He basically told her that he thought our M was over. He lied to her and told her that he was staying with one of our friends. I am FB friends with his wife and she would have told me that H was there. H said he was looking for a house to rent. H said he knows that he needs to talk to kids and family. How can I have gone through what I have gone thru these last few months and STILL be blindsided!!!
If what he said was true, then why didn't he just come out with it after we talked this weekend??? Coward!
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It is still possible to be blindsided because you still love your H and you were hoping for the best.
I know it feels like a setback, but it simply is that you are getting more of the truth. Let that motivate you to detach more, and be even more committed to the DB approach.
Continue staying as dark as possible... NC unless necessary. No more R talks. You've said what you wanted to say. Now you need to take care of yourself, GAL and find 180's to do. Most A's end, usually within a year, so if you continue with what you are doing, you have a better chance of turning things around.
You can do this. You have been strong, and you are an amazing woman. Be the better option. We are here for you!
Thanks RW...I was kinda thinking along those lines. I don't want to think for him but am wondering after I had the "I choose our marraige" talk, why he didn't just come out and say he had already made up his mind! So, is he just saying that because he was caught with the OW or does he really want out? I KNOW...it is not doing me any good to dwell on those questions!!!
It just seems like a lot of other DBer's on here have had their spouses tell them WHY they want out of the marraige and what faults the LBS has and the only thing I have gotten from H is that he thinks he loves OW. He has not pointed out any faults in me...
I will keep going with this. I am not giving up until I am served with divorce papers.
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CW, Most WAS's don't actually know what they want, from what I can gather from these boards. That's why they try to cake eat and hang on to the M as well as carry on the A. Keep DBing and you have a better chance of drawing him back to you. And, if it turns out that he stays in his fog, or he chooses D, or you choose that if he drags this on too long, the DBing will bring out personal growth in you no matter what.
Couldn't sleep! Thanks RW...as always, you are there with words that make sense! I read somewhere on here something about an "alien" taking over a spouse and that is so what it seems like with H.
I just keep thinking about how close I felt to him over Christmas and that he was the one that initiated the closeness. I have these boards to come to and my co-workers if I need to vent or seek advice but the only person he is seeking advice and talking to is OW.
I am hanging in there!!!!
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lol yes my red tinsel is round my bedpost still, it still makes me smile especially when my little cat plays with it too! and yes H did find out about my party night out, it was a great night spent most of it dancing with my mates dad and rolled home at about 3am. In fact I could do with doing it all over again
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
