Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Rocked -
Thank you! I needed someone to ask how I was doing, cause I'm beat and I get how's the W doing about 10x a day because of her situation. You know, faking that gets old too. Anxiety over what W doing much, much more mild today, so that is good, and I am happy with myself for that. Not where I need to be yet, but progress two days in a row are helping me stay optimistic that I can and will get there.

I continued to tell him, "I will be here for you, as long as you choose to end R with OW. If you continue it, not only will that end our M at some point, but I will not be your friend."

Interesting, you "continued" to tell him this...in other words you would say something like this frequently/occassionally? I haven't said something like this to the W since putting down the boundary. And was your H claiming to have ended the A or if I remember correctly, he hadn't. My W claims to have gone cold turkey and ended EA. That's what she told me she was going to do and she told me once in anger a couple days after the fact. Since then, no words. Except for the one time when I told her how surprised I was she was suddenly being so nice and she replied to me "if you are wondering, no I did not contact him"

Just curious if should say something similar occassionally or not.

As far as saying anything about OM, I knew that was the answer, guess I needed to type it out and get a confirmation. The pay as you go phone bugs me. I can't remember her exact words when she told me about it, but it was certainly implied she was getting rid of it, so for it to be around bugs me. I was real close to throwing it in the trash this morning. But I grabbed control of my emotions and placed it back in her backpack. That's what I'd really like to do, is just throw it away myself or maybe take out some stress with one strong whack with a hammer and then throw it away.

My job is too is very demanding and her complaints of me being emotionally unavailable were legitimate also.
I have cut back out of necessity for my kids and hopes of saving a M and have learned to be more efficient and am surviving (but barely). I started cutting back when I saw how checked out she was which at first I thought was work and later figured out was the EA. I exposed the EA right before Xmas and then we both took the week after Xmas off, so this was the first week to see if she would check back into the kids and show any effort at us. I got about 14 hours of observation (which were positive on both aspects of kids and us), and then the suicide happens, so now I have little to no valid observations.

Prior to all this, 12-13 hour work days were the norm for me with often an hour at night also. Now the roles are reversing. W is in a demanding position till 1 Feb + the suicide and she is turning to work to escape reality of our situation, I firmly believe that, I'd bet a paycheck at Vegas on the fact she is using work to escape either the reality of her situation or to escape having to be around me so much.
What is going to be interesting is come 1 Feb, things should return to normal for her (with regards to work) and there just won't be that much for her to do to use it as an excuse. In fact, we've talked in general a bunch about taking time off after 1 Feb, but I really have no idea on that...it just seems too far away right now.