I know what happens as I never pursue him when he leaves home. I only reply to text if they are about the children or finances. I always keep my distance when he visits the children.
Since I have been doing this H has got closer to home more often.
OP, If they cannot get you to react one way, they'll try another. For example, the first time could be a very nice gesture or treats you nicely, if that doesn't work, they'll come at you in a snappish way, etc. They want your attention and it doesn't matter if it's good or bad...they want your attention to such you back in. The best thing you can do is ignore the behavior and go on w/your life. The more you dance w/them, the longer you remain detached and all over the place emotionally.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This weekend has been very difficult for me. I have had this overwhelming feeling of sadness which hasn't happened for a number of weeks now.
Today is the day I met my H 34 years ago. Although this means a lot to me I know at this time it will mean nothing to him.
I have to get back to emotionally detaching from him as I feel he is dragging me into the dance at the moment.
I did well yesterday by not being at home when he came to visit the children. When I arrived home I didn't tell him where I had been and he didn't ask although he had asked the children where I was earlier.
He is not coming now until midweek which will give me time to dust myself down and act 'as if' when he comes.
I know what you mean. Those milestones or "anniversaries" can really be emotionally tough. Who knows what is going through his head, whether this date does actually mean nothing to him even now.
It probably is a good thing you have a few days to regroup before you see him again.
The thing is, you really do have to allow yourself to feel the sadness so you can heal. It sucks. It is so hard. It is necessary.
Thanks for your support Trusting. It made me feel a bit better.
Today has been another difficult day. I have just found out that H has booked another holiday with OW and I haven't had one for over 12 months because I can't afford it.This will be his second in 7 months! Yet he can't pay his credit cards and is over drawn at the bank.
The place he is taking her was very special to us. It is where we went for our honeymoon and visited a number of times since. We always had a lovely time there. Why does he feel it necessary to visit there with OW?
I have to admit when I heard I shed a tear, the first for many weeks. With H taking OW there the seperation seems more real.
I am so sorry! I honestly can't imagine why he would want to take OW to a place that was so special to the two of you. Wouldn't that bring up memories? Very strange. With any luck, he will have an absolutely miserable time because he will be haunted by those memories.
These MLCers really seem to lose all concept of money and how to be responsible. My H is just starting to show a little evidence of taking responsibility again with money (though hasn't followed through with much at all yet), but reality sucks so we will see how that goes. I mean, he may just have to start saying no to new clothes, etc., like the rest of us have to do when money is short.
That is my only hope that the memories of all the things we did will haunt him and hopefully it will rain! Everywhere he looks he'll see us laughing and getting along brilliantly.
My H has bought lots of new clothes. Many designer label which he knew nothing about before his rollercoaster kicked in.
I think the lies are also hard to deal with. No wonder we are advised to believe nothing and only half of what you see.
At the moment I am only taking one day at a time. He is still under my skin after christmas/new year and I need to detach and switch off again for my own sanity!
Do what you need to get as detached as you possibly can. That will most definitely save your sanity!
My H bought a ton of clothes that are much "younger" than him. I have noticed that he doesn't wear those as much anymore. And he has bought a lot of clothes. A lot.
The lies are awful and I think so out of character for them "normally." To me, lying is just so disrespectful. But my H during the worst of the "replay" was acting just like a rebellious teenager, treating me like I was his mom or something so it made sense if I looked at it that way. Well, as much sense as any of this makes!
Rain and haunting memories would make it a pretty miserable holiday! You can only hope.:)
