Things are about to get more interesting. I overheard wife making plans to go out of town with some girlfriends. She hasn't said anything to me about it. But I am going to ask her about it to see when she is going and if she is planning on taking kids with her. If she is planning on taking kids then I want plenty of details. Also I want to ask her how she can afford to pay for a trip when she can't help me pay for household bills. I am having a hard time getting her to help with household expenses. She just refuses to help on a regular basis. She will chip in here and there but will not do so on a consistant basis even after me reminding her. Why do things have to be so hard?
You're in Limbo wolverine and you need to change what you're doing and move in a new direction.
I read the post about your w's cousin coming over and you getting involved in the conversation to show or prove to your w's cousin that you're not a jerk. You can't believe that you involving yourself for however much time you did in that conversation would change anyone's opinion of that can you?
Why do you care?
Let them think what they want to think?
Attempting to want to control that is just that, controlling?
It's not your job to control what they think of you, what opinion they have of you, etc.
What's your plan right now for you?
You're in limbo, what are you doing to get out of that?
Plan:
Itemize all the household expenses, I don't care if your name is on the bill or not, if she lives there, she has to pay her share, it may be a free country but it isn't a rent free country, you don't have to subsidize her living expenses - are you her slave?
Get copies made of all the current month's bills and put them in a pile. Make a list on paper or an excel spreadsheet and document the following bills and how much they cost for this month or last month:
Gas Electricity Phone Cable Water Cellphone Internet
Mortgage Property Tax Insurance - Home Insurance - Car
Food Fuel - cars Clothing for kids
etc.
List the total, list what you pay currently, list what she pays currently and then put down a figure of what amount of money you want from her. Don't tiptoe around this, just put it out there, "this is what you owe on a monthly basis, if you can't pay it, it's time for you to find someplace else that's cheaper for you, I'm not your parent or your roommate and I'm not living like this forever, it's time for me to move on with my life without you." Be firm, confident, controlled, not angry, just appear as if your eyes have been opened finally to this situation and its time for you to move on with your life.
If she goes on the trip but tells you that she can't pay the bills, this is what you're going to do, tell her that you are going to pack up her things, put them in box while she's gone on that trip and you're going to make it easy on her, she can move out anytime. If she isn't going to help pay the bills and she doesn't want to be part of a marriage with you, it's time for her to find someplace else to go.
Tell you you're going to pursue joint custody of the children, you'll share them 50/50 and YOU WILL get joint custody, it's not if and or maybe, that's just how it is, you've decided on that and if she objects you tell her that you're going to pay whatever legal fees are required to protect yourself and your interests. Tell her that you need to sit down with the kid and she needs to be there too and you both have to tell them what's going on and what will be changing this year, that you guys will be splitting apart and she will be moving out.
It's 2010 and you've decided you won't live in limbo anymore. Do you have the balls to do this? Can you stand up to her? I'm not telling you to be an a$$hole or jerk but I'm telling you to take hold of your life and move in the opposite direction of where you currently are going because you aren't going anywhere good right now and as it stands it really isn't going to get any better because you're doing nothing to make it better.
I don't want to hear that you're standing up for your marriage, your wife doesn't care and its time you faced that reality, in fact doing so is probably the only thing that is going to get her to take notice of you.
All you've been doing is posting the kind of updates of the "nothing" that's happening in your life - are you achieving anything aside from complaining about your wife's actions? Let's focus on your actions now, what are you going to do to change your momentum?
If you can't do any of this or if you respond with "my situation is different and I can't do this" or " you don't understand my wife, she won't listen or do this" or "I just can't say these things...", I'm going to reply to you that I wish you all the best in 2010 but I can't help someone who won't help themselves - plain & simple.
You've been posting long enough without any improvement in your situation, you're either here for help or you're just hanging out looking for some sympathy and I'm not a fan of wallowing in self-pity.
Good luck Wolverine, 2010 is all yours, it's up to you if you want it or not.
