My story, what to do next.

[digger22]

Wife called to talk about her c appt. last night. he told her that sometimes a marriage is like a house and everything is done wrong, then you just tear it down foundation and all. I said that I totally agree that everything we built on our foundation was wrong, but I feel bad that you think our foundation wasn't ever good either. She says her c thinks it is very hard on the kids that I moved back in it's confusing them and making it hard for them. I said that you walked out on this marriage and you should be the one to leave and they don't have to worry about stability anymore because I'm here to stay.


7 year old son wrote a note to her last night that basically said love mom love dad, hope you get back together. Asked her how am I supposed to handle that. So I guess I just tell him I love him and that none of this is his fault.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Time for her to get a new counselor.

Your response should be "I'm really sorry you and your counselor feel that way. I disagree. I have decided that I haven't done anything wrong, and I'm not trying to end the marriage, so I'm not moving out. You're welcome to stay, of course, but if you're not comfortable, I understand -- you should go then."

Your analogy is much better than her IC's. A dysfunctional marriage SHOULD be torn down and rebuilt, but just from the FOUNDATION-UP.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

7 year old son wrote a note to her last night that basically said love mom love dad, hope you get back together. Asked her how am I supposed to handle that. So I guess I just tell him I love him and that none of this is his fault.

You tell him that you BOTH love him, and that sometimes moms and dads disagree so much that one of them decides they can't live together for awhile, and that none of this is his fault.

[digger22]

Bump in the road yesterday. Major money crisis going on, combine that with wife thinks we need to sell both our houses asap in a garbage market where we would be lucky to break even. Add in her mental counselor who in 2 hours has been able to analyze for her what she should do with her 14 years together with me. I had a release of emotions on her the phone and I felt like I did really need this to be over now because I know that I will be just fine.

Able to get myself back together as the day progressed. My main concerns right now are just for my kids. She came to move out after work and we had another sit down talk with her (her sis as mediator) about the kids, money, counselor. Went well, talked to her sister after and she really thinks that W hears what I am saying. W leaves for the night, but then is back to talk more in 1/2 hr. We agree that we are in different places right now, and that we mainly just need to focus on kids now because everything else we are looking at from different points of view.

I guess she can only get 1 more appt. with c and then she has to find somebody else. She is pretty disappointed because she really likes him. Me, her sis and her mom are relieved that she won't be able to listen to this guy anymore.

[digger22]

Question,

W and I have a lot of assets 100+k paid for assets in my business, 1 6200 sq ft house, 1 1300 sq ft house with pole building, 19 vacant lots and a 30 acre chunk of land with 1/4 mile of river frontage. She is all fired up that we need to get everything sold so that we can move on with our lives. In reality, this would take many years to get rid of all our stuff (unless we fire sale it with auction and take a real beating)and we really can't move on until we at least pay back 1/2 million to bank. Should I facilitate the arrangements with realtors, appraisors, ect.? I don't think selling or divorce is right decision so I feel like just letting her proceed whatever way she wants, I'm just not going to help.

[digger22]

It feels great being back in the house. Thanks to all of you for letting me know that is what I needed to do. I am sleeping so well at night, I feel very little if any stress from my situation and I know that I am going to be just fine. W is in shambles, can't sleep, everything upsets her, so many decisions........ Thanks again everyone,
life is good.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

There is no better sleep than at the end of a day spent living well, living with courage and conviction, and standing up for oneself and what you believe.

Puppy

[Ready2Change]

I have not followed your sitch, but I assume S is full speed ahead toward D.

Questions

See answers below

W and I have a lot of assets

If lawyers get involved, they will know your net worth, stir the hornets nest, and take out a big chunk of it. I strongly suggest protecting yourself. Do work yourself.

100+k paid for assets in my business, 1 6200 sq ft house, 1 1300 sq ft house with pole building, 19 vacant lots and a 30 acre chunk of land with 1/4 mile of river frontage.
She is all fired up that we need to get everything sold so that we can move on with our lives.

Put the ball in her camp:
"W, I understand your desire to get things moving as quickly as possible. I would like you to suggest 3 appraisers that I can pick from that we will use to appraise all our property."

I don't think selling

she does

or divorce is right decision

she does

so I feel like just letting her proceed whatever way she wants, I'm just not going to help.

Do not help her but protect yourself, your family and your kids.

Proceed "as if" you are getting a D. Splitting of assets is part of D.


At some point, a statement like "Since we disagree on keeping or selling the property, We will need to split the assets equally between us. I want to keep X, Y, and Z and the value is $$$."

[digger22]

Totally proceeding as if the divorce is coming. I am protected. We have agreed on how to split up all major assets (to which she is being extrememly generous. Problem that she sees is that no one can move on with until houses get sold (true). Reality is that it probably won't happen for at least a year. (fine with me).

[digger22]

W just got back from meeting with her L regarding D. She says that she is so pissed because of the situation we are in regarding very little liquid assets. She said that once she is on her own their will be no more risk takings, she just wants to be comfortable. She keeps bringing up our old house where bills were easy to pay and very little stress. (We had to move because I was unable to keep all my business stuff their. Last year the neighbor started a home for sexual offenders with head injuries next door, WE ARE LUCKY WE MOVED)I validated all her concerns. Kids to spend night with her so I packed up overnight bags with everything they need and brought it over for them.

She asks me to fix a light and I say that I don't do husband things for you anymore. She goes off that she will just hire somebody to do it then, but she knows how tight with money I am so she thought I would just like to fix it myself. I said that I feel used when she asks me to do these things and she should call a repair man when she needs something fixed, I will understand.