I would advise, stop telling her how YOU think she should do anything. It is not up to you how she handles her life. Even if she asks. That is considered control and will be turned around at you.
Do not judge her therapist. That too is not your call. The only thing you can control in this is you. That doesn’t not mean be a doormat but you do need to remember this…
What you do now will not fix your M, but everything you do now may fix your M.
That may not make a lot of sense but it is true. As your W works through this, she will remember how you treated her during this. How you reacted, how you either tried to direct her, or how you were there to just listen, be her friend.
Knowing that what she says is untrue, is good for you because it helps you to not sink to your rock bottom, but you don’t have to throw it in her face each time either.
Validate, not defend. Show her that you are different. Don’t try to tell her, she won’t hear it right now. But she will see it. If it is true. Believe me, they know when it isn’t. That alien radar works really well.
man this is good stuff...thank you! It really rings true and sounds right.
great advice about the lies-- won't throw them in her face. I don't believe anything she says anyhow so that makes it easier.
the even if she asks part...that is good. because she asked this morning how to go about her day, and I told her to turn off her phone... she sent me an email thanking me for my good advice, but it was in alien speak so I could barely understand it.
Quote:
Being a surgeon, I would imagine you like things black and white, cut and dried..this is none of that and that's why it can be so hard for us LBS. Hard to watch from the sidelines and not help and not understand the direction of their behavior, to see our spouses flipping around and being so very inconsistent..
To know that that is how it is, the inconsistency, the lying, the script helps a bit...
hey I figured out how to do the text box thing!
you are right.. my mind is not equipped very well to deal with this, but for sure, learning to understand the inconsistencies are the rule is surely helpful.
anyone here watch the U.S. of Tara on showtime? It involves a woman with muliple personalities... very reminiscent!
it is a pheomenal show, though, and Toni Colette is jawdroppingly good in it...
