Late Friday night after our meeting she called me and wanted to ask if the reason I was refusing to allow the kids to get passports was because I wanted to punish her or if I was really afraid she wouldn't bring them back. I told her there wasn't anything left in me that wants to punish her, then I told her the scenario I described, essentially word for word. She had to acknowledge that it did sound like her, but she reiterated she would not do that. She said she made her decision to live here, and that was one of the reasons she and OM ended things. I said "W, when you face a choice between your happiness or mine, you will go with yours." She said "I know. I made that choice and I stick by it, but I place the kids' happiness above mine." Not quite sure how she reconciles that with breaking up our family, but oh well. I said the best I could offer regarding the kids passports was to just not address it at all in our agreement, and leave it to settle later. The antagonism between us was much reduced, and we were back to our friendly demeanor toward each other. We chatted about a couple other things and said goodbye.
Then Saturday morning she was all warm and friendly. I went to watch my girls at gymnastics, and she walked up and said "Hi! If I knew you were coming I'd have gotten coffee and a donut for you too." Then she looked at me and asked "How are you?" I said "I'm fine. How are you doing?" She said "I'm ok. I really want us to be ok." I put my hand on ther shoulder for a moment. She said "I admit I do get dug in about things, but I wouldnt do that to you." She was referring to the scenario I described the night before.
After gymnastics she invited me to go shopping with them for a while before my son's basketball game. I walked through a couple stores with them. Then we left to go to the game, which I am coaching again. She was warm and friendly throughout the whole thing, then left with the kids.
This morning she dropped off the kids and was friendly again. She asked if I checked my e-mail yet, and I said no. She said she put together a counter proposal and e-mailed it to me, and she asked if I'd look it over and let her know if it was ok so she could relax and enjoy the rest of her Sunday. She said "Don't be scared, it's a good e-mail." I smiled and said "I'm not scared."
I checked my e-mail and read her proposal. She agreed to soften her stance on the child care with her mother. She agreed to my counteroffer on the child support, and she agreed to drop her request that the kids get passports. She said we could leave it for later. She said she didn't feel she needed to or wanted to tell me anything about her life, but just so I knew where she was coming from, she said she is getting certified with a particular kind of training that is needed worldwide, and that she wants to use that to take 4-5 international trips each year. She wants the option to take one of the kids with her on each trip to expose them to different cultures.
I replied and told her I thought we could come an agreement on child care, but I also told her I thought her resentment toward her mother is affecting her decision regarding whether her mother watches the kids for me. I thanked her for dropping the passport issue, and I thanked her for telling me why it was so important to her.
