Us DAM's like things spelt out for us. When things aren't clear we tend to misunderstand what you ladies are trying to tell us. When emotions are high (from either side) us DAM's also tend to block the message from our consciousness.
((( M ))) What kind of friend would I be if I thought you were making mistakes but remained silent to let you continue making them?
I think I just need to identify when the time is right. When he's being a jerk because of work/lack of sleep, etc... is not the right time. It will just blow up. And, truthfully, its not all that often, but when it does, I could just punch him!
Also, I couldn't have the boundary discussion because we were awoken by the driver that was supposed to do most of his stuff this week (@ 2am), because his truck wouldn't start! So, H was off in the middle of the night to get it going.
I think I just need to go out, drink too much, and get the stink off! Ok, not really, but it sounded good.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The tea... well, was, just plain awful, along w/this liquid plant enzyme crap, and this fulvic acid, and about five other capsules, etc... It was literally all I could do to keep it down!
Next time on Survivor...
Will Handful take her medicine? Will she rise to the challenge? Will she earn immunity?
Walked three miles this am in THE SHOES! Three more times this week, and then next week, BOOT CAMP CLASS!
S12's bball coach just called. Their conference tournament starts today, and, the coach told them he's only playing eight players in the tourny. S12 is one of the eight (out of 14)! Whew! Who the heck wants to watch your kid sit all week?
OK, gotta work!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
H was in town, just for a bit tonight to see sons game. We had a good time, and everything was just fine...
So, I tell him... something like this...
"H, something's been really bothering me for quite awhile, and, bear with me, but it's taken some time to be strong enough to talk about it... For a long time, you've kept your phone glued to you, and keep it on silent. Worse yet, I've noticed that you have been hiding it between the mattress and box spring whenever you're sleeping. You know how badly I want us to be husband and wife, and work through this bad phase, and you know the only thing I know from you is the last thing you told me (over a year ago), that you were really only still here for the kids. So, the hiding of the phone, etc... makes me really uncomfortable, and think you are hiding something from me. I find it hurtful and disrespectful. I'm asking you to consider my feelings in this situation."
H has been interjecting, "Okay's..., and Really's?" and the like while I'm talking, but nicely....
When I get to the end of that paragraph, I just sit, and see what his reply is. He says...
"W, I've ALWAYS kept my phone ON me, for work. (TRUE) I keep it on vibrate, not silent so it's not always ringing/beeping txt's. (OKAY) And, I put it under the mattress because I need to be able to hear and/or feel the vibrate, but don't want the driver's disrupting your sleep. Look at last night, I had to leave in the middle of the night, and before that I had two drivers calling/txting about stupid stuff in the middle of the night."
I tell him, "I'm not asking you to defend yourself. I'm just telling you that it bothers me, and I'm asking you to consider my feelings on this."
H says, "If you want I can buy some velcro and velcro it to you so you can always know where it is...?"
I tell him, "Again, I'm not saying it's your fault. Maybe it's just my own fears, but it bothers me. Please consider my feelings. If I didn't say something, I would sit here quietly resentful. And, if you don't consider my feelings, I'm going to need to pull back from you, personally. We are way too close on a personal level, sharing non-stop, talking, enjoying our lives, for me to be that close to you, ESPECIALLY considering our lack of intimacy. That's all. No finger pointing, and no argument, just consider my feelings."
H says, "Is that it? That's what you had to psych to be able to talk about?" I said, "Yes, and it was very hard."
And, we go about our night, w/him telling the boys goodbye (going back out of town for work), and hugging and kissing me goodbye.
How did I do?
PS - I did have tears in my eyes, and I did choke up a few times, but I composed myself so I could speak.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Ok, not really, but it sounded good.