The funny part about her delaying on getting her mom a ticket is she is trying to find an inter-island airline that does not charge for luggage. We are talking $10-$15 here and this is a woman that is flying first class, lives in a single level 10,000 square foot home, drives a Cadillac Escalade (like Tiger!) and a $60G Mercedes, and the hotel room she is staying in at Maui is 3200 sq feet.
Suzy - Your x can't pick up the kids? Then you would know he was with them, instead of hanging with the other...just for future reference. Wish your D a happy birthday from the DBers!
Cire - I am generally open to swapping time if needed, but he has a bad habit of waiting til the last minute to ask or even to let me know when he isn't going to be around for his visit. Then bitches that I am unflexible! ARGH!!!!! I have had to change my plans many times because he doesn't plan ahead or inform me of his plans. So I get tired of being the one to always compromise. If I didn't play hardball sometimes it would be out of control!
Donna - he had it written into the visitation agreement that I drop the kids off and he brings them back. He is so petty about that kind of stuff. I figure when the kids get older they will tell him they don't want to go til he is going to be there. Sadly he doesn't even realize it is just a red flag to the kids how low they rank on his priority list.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Oh, I forgot to update....He called at 9:00 last night and said they were just burning the CD, and they would be leaving shortly. This is one of the things that irritates me. He knew they wouldn't be back at 9:00 but waits til right at 9 to call. Meanwhile I have rushed home from where I was with some friends to be home in time. (He has also called 10-15 minutes after they are due back to tell me they "will be late"....I always correct that one, they are already late!) They got home around 9:35. I let them stay up later than usual so we could watch Glee cuz they really wanted to see it.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I found another article that had some interesting info. Apparently the author of Eat, Pray, Love has gotten remarried (after swearing off marriage) and written another memoir. She marriedd a Brazilian and the only reason she initially considered it was becaue of immigration issues. So she did research on marriage....I found this part interesing:
"Aol Health: There's a chapter in the book called "Marriage and Women" that includes evidence that says marriage is more beneficial to men than women. That's a tough one to swallow. Why do you think that is?
Gilbert: It's a disturbing thing that shows up in study after study. If you're a man, the very best possible decision you can make for your life -- if you want to go in the direction of statistical analysis -- is to get married. Married men live longer, are less prone to alcoholism and depression, they thrive. But, the really distressing thing is that has not been true in reverse. Women who are married are not as healthy, don't live as long, are prone to depression, and are financially not as secure in that exchange. And it's not hard to know why that's the case: Women tend to be caregivers and give a great deal at their own expense taking care of others. There is something very noble and humane about that on the one hand, but on the other, it's distressing to see the cost. The way that women tend to elevate others' lives at the cost of their own. None of us have to look very far to see that in family and friends."
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I had a couple of interesting observations about my kids and the X the other day. They stemmed from another one of his schedule problems.
The first issue was that he was going out of town and asked to change Thursday night for Wednesday night. I had already made plans for Thursday and said I would rather not switch. He said he could "cover" Thursday. Appaently he meant that he would have the kids go to his house even though he wasn't going to be there, then he would probably have one of our adult daughters watch them. Well I could do that as well, and D12 would be able to ride the bus to school the next morning instead of having to be driven. Why would I send the kids there if he isn't going to be there? The reason they go is to spend time with him. But apparently for him it is about possession time....wierd! I ended up changing my plans and switching with him.
So then we get to Wednesday night. One of the reasons I didn't want to switch was that D12 has dance, and it would take a little more arranging and I was worried it woukd become an issue. So I sent him an e-mail that D12 had dance at 5:00 and he would need to meet me at the dance studio no later than 5:15. (I was scheduled to be somewhere else at 5:30) So I get D12 to dance and S10 and I sit waiting in the car. At 5:10 I send X a text asking if he will be there soon. A few minutes later I get a call....He's sorry, he forgot to ask D19 to meet me, but she is on her way and will be there in 10 minutes. I ask when she left because it is at least 20 minutes from his house to the dance studio. Arggghhhh!!!!! He suggests I meet he halfway if I am running late for school. I told him I am not going to school, (why would I schedule a class dring her dance!!! Plus I am done going to school!) I am going the other way and I am supposed to be there in 10 minutes! "Oh, well she will be there soon." So I wait....and I wait. I call D19 to find out what's up. Her car won't start so she had to wait for her step-sister to come get her and drive them over, and there was no gas in her car so they had to stop. So they finally pull up at 5:55. And D19 apologizes and says she forgot. X already told me he forgot to ask her, but SHE LIED TO ME TO COVER FOR HIM!!!! I was really disturbed that she would lie like that, and was considering talking to her about it. But then it dawned on me.....she is doing what I did for years. I was continually lying to people about him being late, why he couldn't be at kid's events, family gatherings, lying to them even about him putting himself first. My older daughters learned to make excuses for daddy from me. How can I be angry at them for doing what I did. :::sigh:::
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Yeah Fig, it really bothered me at first. But as I realized that I had set that precedent i couldn't be upset with her. I am greatful in some ways that my younger kids are able to see things more clearly in that sense. They have been through more becaue they were young when we separated/divorced, but they have the advantage of a stronger more emotionally settled mom. I don't have to walk on eggshells and I don't have to cover for their dad or try to make their relationship with him better, because it is not my responsibility! It is on him now, and maybe he wil be a better dad because of it.
(How's the little cocopuff doing?!)
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
