WAW in affair. Help!

[Norm914]

Why do you think A's don't last? My H has been with his affair for almost two years (and yes, "she" cheated also but was not married, just in a very long term R).

I am always puzzled when people say affairs don't last. Many people I know that are on their second marriage (happy ones I might add) the R's began as an A. Not the best way to start a R but stranger things have happened.

Honestly, I think people say affairs don't last to make themselves feel better. Just from what I have witnessed IRL I think about 20% fizzle out but the majority of them do last way past a divorce from the initial spouse. They might not last FOREVER but the WAS still never returns post affair.

I guess that is why I feel exposure is usually a fruitless effort. If people want to really be with somebody they will move mountains to do so. You may expose an affair but you don't remove it and cheaters lie either way.

JMO of course but I don't think "affairs fizzling" is as common as one might think. When one person is willing to risk it ALL (family, friends, assets, exposure, legal consequences) for a R they usually are very invested. I am all for booting out a cheating spouse and filing for a D and setting a hard firm line.

Thanks, CG. I have considered this reality as well. You make a very good point.

That’s why I’m ready to turn up the heat. If W and OM are in this for the long haul, our M is done anyway. If that’s the case, I’m going to make it as hard for them as I possibly can. I am NOT going down with a whimper. This was a hard corner for me to turn, but I’ve turned it.