He will also be angry after you do this birthday plan even though he left you no recourse than to make plans for yourself or get dashed. They seem to like to blame you for moving on or depriving them of an opportunity to wound (protect yourself) even when they intiate the whole thing. If he hates his mother (as I think you stated earlier), he needs counseling about that too if he hasn't had it. Not that you can suggest it now. Good luck. This is a tough one. Have you set a mental timeline of how long you will allow yourself to be in this situation or are you gauging it by how much progress is made each few months? Just curious how other people handle that.
