WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

Rough couple of days, but partly my fault for not detatching. She quit wearing her wedding ring Friday. It irritated me. I told her I was going to keep wearing mine because it wan't important for me to advertise that I was single and I didn't want to have to explain to the kids.

This kept bugging me and we ended up having another argument. She then said she is going to get the mediator scheduled and that she wants us to alternately move out, etc etc (heard it all before). We were getting into our normal argument/pattern.

this time I came away with a new perspective. I started thinking about the fact that I am starting a new job in 10 days and it will require a lot of my focus and if we are going through a separation it will make things difficult especially because I will be traveling. I also thought about the kids and how it would be harder on them if we are doing this during school year.

She has basically been having her own 'open relationship' I realized. I realized that all of our arguments that make her want to leave are over the fact that I wouldn't accept this and we bicker about what she is doing with OM.

What if I don't care anymore? I realized maybe I don't. I then told her that it would be nice if we could delay separating a few months for the reasons stated above, and what if I treated her just like a roomate and we didn't meddle in each other's personal lives. We could have an 'open relationship' and it would eliminate th tension since I just won't care what she does.

the fact that I have cared and was offended by her relationship with OM fueled many arguments and created stress.

I think she was taken back by this. she said something like I was crazy to suggest an open relationship I said why not - you are basically doing it already and I wouldn't accept it which is what causes most of our arguments. If I don't care anymore and we are both free to have relations with others there is no reason to argue. We can be co-parents and roomates for a few more months and there should be much less tension. We won't meddle in each others' pesonal life.

Her answer currently remains, NO, we can move out and kids will be fine and I will stay with them when you travel for your job. It is interesting that I am offering her a stress-free existence in our home as a bargaining chip and she insists on getting out into her own place. In fact I am telling her that she would be doing what she would normally do when she leaves and I won't care or ask any questions (and she will do the same for me) just like as if we lived apart.

I will continue to experiment with this and see where it goes. It seems like stress level reduced immediately with her this evening as soon as I said this. I mean this - I am feeling like I really don't care about what she does anymore but I need her to stay in the house a little longer so I can get going with my job and delay stressing out our children until the end of school.