Started to feel angry tonight thinking about our first MC appointment tomorrow. Being in this predicament because of H's selfish decisions. All the usual questions start going through my head... Why does he deserve another chance? Am I just being unrealistic thinking we will change and our M will be better than before? And can I live with having a part of me not being able to trust him 100%?
I need to start thinking what I need to do to become a better ME regardless of the outcome of our marriage. I am not sure if H wants to change or if he even feels he needs to change. A few comments makes me wonder if he really wants it to work.
On a positive note, I see a change in DD4 and her attitude towards H. So I can see how H's efforts with spending time with kids, coming home early enough to eat meals as a family, and helping out more around the house is paying off. Everynight I tell DD4 I love you “this big” stretching out my arms. She responds the same way “big”. She loves her sister, grandma and grandpa “big” too. But daddy used to get a “little” along with the family dog. Now she loves daddy “big” too. And she has stopped saying “daddy scares her”.
I am curious on what to expect at MC tomorrow. I know H will be in there by himself for the first 20 min as he has not met the counsellor yet.
