Are regrets when you end a separation normal?

[undefeated]

Our problems began because we never really began a deep relationship ~ we didn't know each other very well when we married.

Funny how that works, isn't it? You are madly in love with someone, can't get enough of them, have amazing sex (most likely), so you get married. Who wouldn't? I mean this person is so perfect for you.

And then the honeymoon period is over and you suddenly don't know the person who shares your bed. That's when you have to look deeper. Look at the amazing person you married; there were probably a lot more things than her good looks that got you hooked. You can find them again. or discover "new" things about her to love! If you want your marriage to work, it only makes sense to be interested in your spouse.

I've just often had a feeling that we couldn't communicate well enough to stay married.

Communication is something that we do every minute of every day. With not only our words, but our tone of voice, body language and other subtle cues to the people around us. So we do communicate. But communicating well is something you have to do intentionally, and it is a learned skill. I am learning it, and so can you. It's not always easy or enjoyable, but we need it.

I've never been very attracted either.

Without any sarcasm whatsoever, I must ask - Then how did you end up married in the first place? It just really has me stumped.

If it weren't for the kids, I problably wouldn't be trying to get myself over my anxiety to resume our marriage.

Michele says in one of her books (idk which one - I read them all one right after the other) that children are no better or worse a reason than any other to try to make a marriage work. Kids are an important part of our lives. So are financial stability, closeness and connection, and many other needs. No marriage is based on solely one reason.

I also wonder why she wants to be married to me.

Have you ever asked her? Maybe she would tell you.

I was trying to do the 180 for parts of our separation. It is hard because I'm not sure if I should stay. I think you're right - I need to focus on trying to be a better and happier me.

Remember, 180's are for you! You want to make yourself happier for you and not just to save your marriage. This is all about building yourself.

Does that mean I need to be married to my W to do that?

That is a difficult question. The answer is no, but there are some additional things you need to think about.

If you are unhappy and your marriage is not the source (remember the difference between happiness from the inside vs. happiness form the outside?) then what makes you think you will be better by getting a divorce?

Are you looking for a reason to get out? Or maybe some validation from people here that divorce is a good option for you? It just seems like you want to head that way, but are hesitating, waiting for something.

Divorce is rarely the cure. So many people leave a marriage to be happier, and only end up more miserable when the dust has settled. I can't say it enough - happy people can create happy marriages; vice versa doesn't work so well.