I have a Question out there for long time DBers and sgctxok..
I have been making an effort to always referring to the master bedroom where I sleep as "our Room" and the office that w sleeps as "The Office"
Should I be doing this? Is this like the constant "ILU's" that gives the WAS the security that you are still there and waiting"
I have read that when you are secure enough about not ever losing something you make little effort to keep it. Should I start calling it My Room and Your Room? Would this be more GAL and moving on?
Last edited by Dr LOve; 01/08/1005:46 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Well, I'm not necessarily a 'long time DBer', but I found key wording of possesion(s) and relations key to reminding (x)W of the choices she was making or had made.
For example, with her living in her father's house, she would ask things like: "can you pick up the boys at Dad's". I would intentionaly reply 'yes, I will pick them up at your father's" to drive home the fact she chose that I was no longer worthy of her, thus, I was no longer worthy of her family, friends, etc.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Doc, What does your W refer to the rooms as? That should be your clue. For the past year, my W referred to the guest room where I slept as my room. She didn't call the main bedroom where she slept, our room. It was noticeable to me, and possibly to the people she would say it to.I never tried to correct her, as I thought it would create an irrelevant power struggle over words. I didn't like it, as you do, so would not support it by also using the terms. My control was not calling the rooms by the same name. She eventually began to invite me in to sleep with her citing various reasons, and now I'm close to sleeping full-time in "her" room.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
This is the key question. I think your W calls her room, "her room."
So, she considers you two to have separate bedrooms. By denying this, you are both giving her less space than she is showing she wants and you are demonstrating that you are more into the R than she is.
That being said, it sounds like you are just hopping back on your treadmill. Things improve somewhat. You take no real action. You get pissed that there is no real change. And then you start stomping around, acting out, etc...
Wait a minute OT don't get your panties in a wad...
You started out real nice then went of on a tangent...
"How about trying something different this year?"
THAT IS WHAT I AM ASKING ABOUT....to change what I have been doing / saying..
I really have to wait and see what she calls them. I have been so wrapped up in me that I really can't tell ya. She does not tell anyone about our sleeping arraignments and I don’ think she wants anyone to know
At W’s Sisters X mas party X-Mas day... Someone gave son a sound machine. I have one and it does help me sleep. With complete silence my mind tends to wonder... anyway someone asked why you would want one. I told them just that but added... (Trying to be a little funny) “I have one and it does help me sleep. With complete silence my mind tends to wander that I can have the sound of W snoring” Her cousin said “why would you need that when you can have the real thing” Well out of the corner of my eye I could see W give me “the evil eye” I think she was thinking I was going to say something about our sleeping arraignments... I did a quick recovery move and said.” I go to bed before she does” Which is true…and yes the evil eye went away….
ALSO OT I am not on a tread mill... A tread mill goes nowhere... I am more on a conveyor belt… I am moving forward. Yes sometimes faster than others and sometimes it does stop. But always moving ahead….
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Tonight we had MIL over for dinner. After dinner W was bringing MIL home. Knowing when she got back she would be helping son with Homework I went ahead and rinsed the dinner dishes and pans. (W has a way of putting them in the dishwasher and does not like the way I do it)Anyway when she got home first thing she said was "did you do the dishes" she was joking because she was not in the kitchen yet. I did not say anything... When she did get there she said "YOU did do the dishes... Halleluiah that is great"
What I mean by the fog lifting. There was a point back when I believe w was trying to prove to herself that she did not need or want my help. (Possibly need me either) when I did try to help she would get upset and say "just leave them alone I will do them" or when I asked to help she always decline my offer...
Ok now for some sad news...
A San Francisco Police officer that lived in my town found out his wife was having an affair and committed suicide last week. He had two small kids. I did not know him but I wish I could have talked with him. I can honestly say I know how he felt.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
That's just awful, Doc, about the police officer. I think we all know some of what he felt. And his poor children. It's so sad. Need to keep them and the family in our thoughts and prayers.
On your own progress -- keep up the good work, bro'
Hi Dr. Love, Happy New Year!!! I've been following your story for quite some time although I dont post often... When I read our horoscope for this week Doc, I thought of you...
PISCES Partners may have infuriatingly indecisive lately. It may be taking longer than you hoped to get people on the same page and you’ve been trying hard to find the right balance between freedom and commitment. Trust the result of this rehashing of rules has been necessary to understand the new landscape. You are now clearly on the road to your destiny. Events of the next few days should leave you feeling rather reassured of your power and position. After all the effort you’ve put into creating something of integrity, don’t be surprised when you start receiving the tangible benefits of your hard work.
