Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[chatterbug]

Hi, Cutter,
I think breaking NC this week was necessary for you because of the insistence of ladybug. I bet you will go back to NC after and until the 24th, right? (((Cutter)))

As for drawing up the plan, our parenting plan was originally created back in March, based on some prepared recommendations from the family law in my state. Each month, since August, WH creates a visitation schedule that I have input as well.

Is that what you mean by plan?

Hi Newmama. yes. And thanks

As for the NC. 180 time. Broke contact to get seperation papers signed and too see her once before the wedding. As it will make it easier on me than at the wedding.

So 24th of January. I will be legally seperated. I have it backdated to Sept 15th 2009. That way we file taxes seperatley. While I was still saving 401k stuff. She was spending. So She can deal with those consequences of her actions. Not I.

[newmama]

Yep, S is still cranky and not feeling well. At least WH doesn't know what I was going to do and doesn't know if I was still planning on doing it!

But I need to stay with him, poor little guy!

On a different note, I just found out from SIL via text that she and her exH remarried!!! Remember, he divorced her for another woman, ended it within the year and has been trying to get her back for 1.5 years!

[chatterbug]

Good for them newmama. I hope that family and friends support them through these difficult times.

[newmama]

Today's update:
I'm proud of myself! stayed away from WH 12-4:30 out of 12-5! Worked out for an hour, put away all the laundry and made my bed, got ready, went to store.

WH was nice as usual; lent me his coupon book for the store, completely helped me find it when I lost it in my car(fell between the seats), stocked the fridge with soda from the garage, took out garbage/recycling...

I held S while WH trimmed his hair behind the ears (his first haircut!).

I did notice something curious. When WH came back from giving S a bath, his eyes were totally red like he'd been crying! Wonder why? I do know that he has been way more weepy since the A started. I never saw him cry before the bomb/ Dday#1. He was totally weepy during and after S's birth and gets choked up when he refers to his birth. (I find it very sweet that he can cry but useless in regard to its meaning regarding the A)

Oh and I've been meaning to add that I don't think WH thinks of the A as an A since we are seperated (although legally married). His relationship with her started when we were married though!

I told him that my class starts tomorrow night but I would have leftovers prepared for dinner. I didn't tell him what my class is but won't hide it if he asks! He'll see me wearing work out clothes though! I will still do my hair/make up before I go.

[mindfull]

Hi Newmama!

You sound like you're doing great! And, wow! What a great story about SIL and the remarriage! Isn't that H's sister???

What's the exercise class you're doing tonight?

I just started to get healthy. I'm about 18 lbs up, and on a 5'7 frame, it's easy to not notice, so much... I've been to a naturopath, and I'm getting my metabolism, lymph system, etc... in order, and started walking 3 miles a day (in Reekbok EasyTone shoes!). Next week I'm adding in a boot camp class (at a locale and time not easy to ignore or blow off!) a few times a week.

I'm interested to see what other classes people do. I am not good w/a trainer, because I get bored, but I definitely love classes! So, we will see...

Be good!

[P17]

I did notice something curious. When WH came back from giving S a bath, his eyes were totally red like he'd been crying! Wonder why?

Did you not ask him about that? I think I would have taken the opportunity for a little TLC if it was going that way - concern, compassion and understanding given you sitch. Not sure what the others think?

Oh and I've been meaning to add that I don't think WH thinks of the A as an A since we are seperated (although legally married). His relationship with her started when we were married though!

He may well do. Doesn't alter the fact it has all the signs of an A so should be treated like one. I also still don't think he's all the way in and convinced of it. Just my 2p worth.

[newmama]

Did you not ask him about that? I think I would have taken the opportunity for a little TLC if it was going that way - concern, compassion and understanding given you sitch.

I did not want to have any talk about our relationship in case that is why he was crying. No relationship talk during DBing nd definitely no talk with a foggy spouse! I will talk when he brings it up, I guess.

Don't worry about TLC--he knows I am a caring compassionate woman; have been from the start of our dating. I think I have shown him plenty of TLC by being so accommodating about the visitation schedule, cooking, being NICE to him while he is screwing another woman and leaving his wife and child every night, etc. etc.

whew...just a little frustration there!

I also still don't think he's all the way in and convinced of it. Just my 2p worth.

I was thinking this too...but don't want to jinx anything.

Mindfull, my Mon night class is pilates and Thurs night will be belly dancing!

and I am down 41 pounds! In anther 10 or so I get to wear a smaller pants size!
(I gained 80 @#$%$ pounds during pregnancy!!)

[P17]

I did not want to have any talk about our relationship in case that is why he was crying. No relationship talk during DBing nd definitely no talk with a foggy spouse! I will talk when he brings it up, I guess.

No. I wasn't suggesting you talk to him about the R or M. I was suggesting you just being concerned his eyes are red and then he may see an opportunity to talk to you.

[newmama]

oh--I write things on my calendar on the wall in my bedroom like if I exercised or followed my diet, plans, etc. I do not say what I'm doing when I go ot, I just write "out." Well, on the 29th, WH takes S for overnight for the first time. I wrote that down and wrote "out" as well.

today I noticed that WH changed the lightbulb in our closet. I did not see any of his clothes taken out. But then I wondered if he saw my calendar? I have kept this habit of the calendar recording for the last 6 years we've known each other.

could there be a connection to his crying and the calendar?

[newmama]

No. I wasn't suggesting you talk to him about the R or M. I was suggesting you just being concerned his eyes are red and then he may see an opportunity to talk to you.

I did not want to take the chance it was about our relationship. It could go like this:
me: is something wrong? You look a little sad!
wh: yeah. well...it's too bad about everything that's happened. I am working on the paperwork for D. It's time.
me: your choice entirely. I am still commited to our marriage.
wh: I know you are. but we need to move on.

????I know that is my imagination!