Looking for my new normal

[Gardener]

Bunny,

H startled me last night with the R talk. It started when he mentioned that he was getting ready to get the house appraised in order to buy me out. That threw me for a loop- as I mentioned earlier, I thought we were going to re-evaluate the situation in 4 - 6 months. He said he was willing to do that if I wanted to, but he thought we were just telling that to family to soften the blow. OK, whatever- that's when we started talking about the legal side of stuff, as mentioned above. It felt like a kick to realize that I was really going to lose my home- it finally sunk in, I guess...

He is so willing to let me just walk away and he's making sure it's as easy as possible for me to do so. It hurts a little that he's not doing the work to make things better, but I guess it's true what someone posted in my very first thread early on- he already left, I'm an LBS. He left at the very first time he was willing to let another man have me and he had that other man's wife. He just didn't have the guts to actually leave- he let me do all the hard work of leaving when I was strong enough to do so, or maybe he was hoping I would fall back in line again, probably some of both.

All this is him still screwing with your head, I hope you know.

Oh- and I kept myself out of trouble tonight . I felt the pull earlier, but I got busy- retail therapy, dinner with D17 and assembling a new TV stand for my bedroom.

Good for you, Bunny. Though I'd suggest some soul searching - alone or with IC - as to what the "pull" is. What is it pulling you toward , substitute-wise, and why?

All you have to do to find your answers is to take a good long look at your h's CORE VALUES. These will never change. It is who he is.
Run, and don't look back.

Exactly. Though, you sometimes sound like you are looking back. DON'T!
AND, I'd seriously consider telling some of your adult relatives and in-laws the truth: that he lured you into the swinging against your will and he has serious issues along those lines and THAT'S why you're done and out.
He's so proud of it all? Let him deal with it being known.
imo