She doesn't want you to leave but says it will never work, calls you names, accuses you of sleeping around, and now she's hitting you.
She's experiencing a lot of emotions with her mother's illness but there's no justification for taking it out on you or anybody else. None. (and BTW I lost my mom to an extended illness too).
After all this counseling, a weekend at Retro, and a whole lotta' time, she's continuing to use you as a scapegoat for everything wrong. She is emotionally stuck and can remain there as long as this limbo continues. She's cake-eating because she can treat you badly but doesn't have to face her problem(s) or consequences for her actions.
I know...harsh words but nothing has changed. It's just getting worse.
Hitting would have been the last straw for me; "I'm outta' here. Call me when you're ready to work it out."
I wouldn't have offered the "Call me when you're ready to work it out." line, I would have just said "I'm outta' here."
She's using her other "problems" as a crutch, alot of people on this site do that, "... I did this because I had a hard life, or I did that because I had a bad childhood, etc."
Those things are crutches.
A kid breaks into a store and robs it, gets caught, goes in front of the judge, tells him "I did this because I had a bad childhood", the judge looks at him and says, "Yeah so did the rest of us, you still knew what you were doing when you did what you did, you just want us to enable you & your crappy actions and feel bad for you and let you off without any consequences and I'm not going to do that anymore, you've had enough people in your life doing that for you."
I think another user on this thread is saying that his wife is having a physical affair with another man because she was molested as a child or something to that effect....
CRUTCH!
Another guy admits to hitting his wife a few times because he was hit when he was a kid, he's sorry, he won't do it again.....
CRUTCH!
Another woman tells her husband that she needs to sleep with other men because she's only been with him for so many years and hasn't been with other men and feels the need to explore her sexuality which is why she had the affair....
CRUTCH!
They're all crutches. We're all adults. We all know the difference between right & wrong (or we should for the most part), it's not that we don't know that our actions are inappropriate, we choose to do them anyways hoping we won't feel guilty or as guilty as we do and when we feel really badly we blame it on something else so that we don't have to accept full responsibility for our actions.
CRUTCH!!!!
Let go of your crutches. Stop enabling your spouse's crappy behavior by allowing them to use crutches to explain their crap behavior.
