here we go again

[TrentC]

i say to h: i'm not living in limbo land anymore, i've been clear about what this family needs, me and these kids, you have done nothing by way of actions to show you want or are willing to do.
h is: are you going to change and live with my family, that's all we have.
jstar: what does that mean, are you going to change, put boundaries on your family? are you going to emotionally available.

H:i have nothing and you and kids have a life
jstar: i choose to make a life for my kids, you choose the life you are living

jstar: lets just get it straight let's divorce
h: you will never change, i don't respect women don't respect you i' m not that kind of man
jstar: validated his feelings, ok done deal divorce

Um... what? He says he doesn't respect you or respect women? Did he actually say that? It's hard to tell if these are direct quotes or paraphrases.

it just goes on like this till h says i'm tired of phone and texting, i'm shutting it off, i send text, rationally come talk to me about it
end of convo.

Maybe it's me, but after the "I don't respect women, I don't respect you" part, the conversation should have ended there:

"OK, then, have a nice life. Gotta go."

3 am, i wake up vomitting, d2 wakes up, i text h, ask for help to come over watch her while i try to recover, no response from h. (h says, if you need help jstar just ask and i will)asked him today why didn't you help me, no response to last convo:

Wait, wait, wait... why are you asking him to come over? You don't trust him, he doesn't respect you, you do nothing but fight like cats and dogs.

Don't you have anyone else that can help you? A family member? A friend? A co-worker?

If you are going to D and move out of state as you claim you want to do, you'd better get used to finding people other than him to help you.

So, OK, fine, you gave him a chance to step up and take responsiblity. And what is his response?

i can't stand to come over to the house. it tears him up to much, please!

I think your decision is clear now. He's self-absorbed and immature, and you two thrive on conflict with each other. One of you has to change this dynamic, and it won't be him.

just give me a lobotomy. i'm not an angle and lately i've been mean to him, and it has made me feel better to let him twist and mess with him. i know bad jstar.

It is if your intention is to actually save the marriage. One of you has to be the better person.