Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Thanks again. The phone came up this morning when I didn't expect and I didn't follow the script, but kept it very calm and let it linger and she came up with a solution. I mentioned the daughter couldn't play the game she wanted because of the password. W said I turned that off, I said obviously you didn't. W says she only turns it on when she leaves the house because of something she read about security on-line and doesn't want someone to get it. So I simply said, "May I have the password then." She knows why, so it didn't seem natural/right to go into why, she knows why and I could tell by how she explained things. She said yes. I said if you are worried about security, I should have one too and I will give you the password. She then suggested we just use the same password on the phone. So got through that one.

I did go to bed without her last night. I should have taken a sleeping pill, will next time. She didn't come up till 3AM. That was a big step for me. I did try just chit chatting when she came in, but not too much.

I would say there was no more pulling away or in after yesterday. Today is going to be ANOTHER daddy and girls day. My suggestion again. She isn't with us mentally, so why bother. I also don't want to be cooped in the house with her, doesn't help my detaching. She suggested she at least go eat with us and then let us do the errands. I told her I thought she should just focus on getting all her things done because even when she is around she isn't really with us. She actually agreed with me on that, seemed a little sad by it.

I also actually felt the anxiety coming back this morning when she was on the iphone and I counselled myself deep, deep breaths. It worked.

So about to leave with the kids for lunch and all kinds of errands. We'll be gone for hours and she will be in this large house alone.