@aliveandkicking: as long as there is some positive evolution, that's something
That's just so.
Well, sports fans: I have received several EXCEEDINGLY snippy e-mails from STBXMRSSP today; clearly, she is not only back but has read the settlement proposal The Mouthpiece sent to her lawyer last month. She's also de-"friended" the 2 mutual friends we had on FB, which has to mean something LOL.
Batten down the hatches and prepare for heavy weather, me hearties.
I wish I could say I couldn't have predicted this level of insanity.
I can't even recount here the depths of the insanity. At 2 in the afternoon, the b*tchiest nastiest sassiest other-really-obscene-word-for-female-genitalia-iest message you've ever seen. At 7, polite contrite cooperative.
Whoa, Nelly.
STBXMRSSP announced -- declared, really -- that, contrary to our pre-existing agreement, she will not be able to pick our children up from school twice a week.
As you will recall, as part of the overall GALing I picked up an adjunct teaching job at Crosstown University for this semester. That class ends at 5 p.m. At that hour, the drive to the Rancho de Smiley's Person is, in Coastal City, approximately 2 hours. School district child care ends at 6. Do the math.
This means I will have to notify tomorrow (Monday) Crosstown University that the class will have to be canceled, owing to the falling-through of my child-care situation. So that's $10 large down the proverbial toilet.
STBXMRSSP also announced that she intends to seek less custody of the children overall, as the already-below 50% time she had previously indicated a desire for now is "just too demanding," what with her job situation.
This message is being transmitted, mind you, 12 hours after her return from a 15-day holiday funfest adventure and by a woman who managed no less than 9 weeks out of town -- "I had to escape the hell that is my life!" -- in 2009.
But finding time in which to care for the children is, apparently, "just too demanding."
I would have some pithy -- or at least bitchy -- things to say about all this, but she's been so hither-and-yon that it will probably all change next week. Too late to salvage your adjunct position, although that may be just as well considering the unavoidable high levels of instability and Themselves-traumatizing that seem to be prevailing at the moment.
Where are you with the legal end of all this? Does CA have mechanisms for (official) interim parenting agreements and things of that nature as regards custody while the divorce is in process?
Watch out for that jibe....
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Single parents make it work. Babysitters, neighbors, friends.
Consider the difference between getting/paying for help versus going back on an agreement. And the effect it would have on future gigs. And what it says to the kids.
I googled 'getting past your past' based on the advice of a friend. Found some interesting sites that brought head banger perspectives.
I do my best as a parent. I'm learning sometimes the best is NOT doing everything.
don't cancel your teaching gig, find someone to pick up the kids on that day and then work out some arrangements with someone else to help you with that, if it's only for a couple of hours, someone will be able to help, I'm sure of it, SP you're a smart guy you can make it work. As for your wife's behavior, let her know the less time she spends with the kids that you'll be seeking more support from her - if she wants to make it harder on you, you are always free to return the favor ;-)
BE SURE to let your counsel know (mouthpiece? LOL!) that you had to back out of a job due to your W and her desire to once again change the custody schedule at the last minute. You MUST be compensated for the loss of income due to her wishy washy parenting.
I am not sure if this applies to your W... I recently read an article about people and how their mindset alters after a vacation. While many of us "get" post vacation blues, for some people returning to reality is very difficult. Your W has established a pattern of making very irrational decisions and declarations when she is in an emotional state it seems.
You are a good dad and your children are very lucky to have you!
I'm shaking the bushes, but so far am coming up birdless, and I have to (presumably) leave for the campus in 7 hours.
For one, I was not the one in the M who did that kind of relationship building with the school parents, she was, so I don't really know people I can suddenly ask to care for my children. For another, where we moved -- at STBXMRSSP's insistence 5 years ago -- there are no "young" families; all the folks hereabouts are empty-nesters, so the kids don't have a social network in place (this is a much bigger problem that I have to address this year). My friends all live considerably far away in Greater Coastal City and, more to the point, they don't know my kids -- and my kids don't know them.
This came up in a convo with a woman whose daughter was in day-care with my son the other day (and who is just starting recovery from a double-mastectomy) -- when STBXMRSSP is on one of her trans-oceanic f**kfests, what happens if I'm in a traffic accident? My parents are in Midwestern city, 8 hours away by plane. STBXMRSSP's surviving parent is in Upstate City, at least 3 hours away by plane, spends a considerable amount of his time in his European City apartment, and doesn't even have a cell phone. Her sister -- early 40s, childless, no interest in children -- lives in Asian City, literally on the other side of the globe. All I can think to do is leave instructions with the school that, in the event their mother is unreachable and I am injured/dead/dying, they be made wards of the state pending notification of next-of-kin.
Yeah, it's hard! Sometimes it feels like all this stuff happens when we're already pretty low on connections and support and--well, practical assistance. I'm in the same spot, altho my D is a bit older and there's only one of her. I know you said that Themselves don't have a social network, but surely they have at least a friend or 2? I rely on a lot of carpooling and other parents who have a few less obligations than I have, and generally people are willing to help out, especially if you can arrange some play dates or whatever when you're not teaching, or offer to drive the carpool to whatever. It takes a lot of creativity and thinking outside the box, and yeah--generally moms are the ones with the connections and the wherewithall to do this.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
