I know I can always count on you to break down my journal, slap me a little bit, make me re-think some things then feel better once all is said and done.
Out of everything you said - The one that stood out the most was this...
Originally Posted By: Gardener
slowly eliminated every one of those regimens this past year...when I needed them most
I realized that I to have done this...
I used to walk each and every night after little one went to bed because it was my time to clear my head...Because it has been so cold, I haven't walked in weeks...
Before I would get up earlier then anyone so I could have a little time to myself and enjoy my coffee before my day began...Up until 3 days ago, I stopped setting my alarm...
I was taking better care of myself, eating better, drinking plenty of water...I tried to remember tonight and if you paid me I couldn't remember the last time I ate...
The only thing I have kept is Church...Everything else that I was doing for me has been put on the back burner.
Time to change that and I thank you for that reminder my friend...
P.S. - I loved the batchitcrazy idea - No need to fake what is already simmering. Love you to, Am seeing my IC next week, my suicidal friend is better today after a good nights rest & my strung out friend is trying to get into IC, Clods - Love it!
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I've been reading your thread tonite; finding solace in your words, and the words of others that respond to you.
It's a bad night for me. Somehow your words, your demeanor towards others, even though it's not specifically meant for me, has been so moving and calming. I don't know exactly what I want to say, but I needed to post something to you. Certainly a thanks. Actually, I've been reading parts of your thread the entire time I've been here at DB, so the thanks may be long over due.
You are very honest in what you post, and your post are so articulate and expressive. Posting on my own thread has been a challenge for me, and I often read up in your thread, reflecting on your self-searching and honest expression of your thoughts as a guide for myself. Your recent post about anger is a great example.
I guess I'm just trying to express in detail what my thanks mean. tonight, of all nights you presence here has made a difference to me, so again thank you.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
You sound a lot better, my friend. And I see that many of your friends on the Board have come to support you . See how many people here love you? You do inspire us with your grit and your honesty.
I re-read your earlier post and Gardener's words. He is really spot on. I hope that you will find some release today in Church as I know this is always a comfort to you.
As for those who don't understand or support your decisions? Your father is so right. You wear the shoes and you feel the pinch. Enough said.
I know I can always count on you to break down my journal, slap me a little bit, make me re-think some things then feel better once all is said and done.
Well, thank you for that. I thank you because answering questions, helping, chiming in are one thing, but sometimes when you're just healthily letting it all hang out and getting it off your chest, I say to myself, "She's journaling, fer cryin' out loud; leave her alone!" And then I ignore myself.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I am honored and touched that my words have that kind of affect on you (or anyone)...I also thank you for expressing your thoughts to me...I don't speak so well IRL (LOL I am far to emotional normally) however give me a pen and paper or my blog or here and it just comes pouring out...
Some days I can't find anything within me to write here - The sitch gets old, the rollercoaster ride gets old, the fact that nothing seems to change gets old so I go and "troll" the board and see where my words may have the most affect for someone else...I know I have much to offer, if I could just keep believing that - As do you...
If posting on your thread is a challenge, and I know some days it is, seek out someone else who may really need your words. You never know what that person is thinking at that moment in time and your words of encouragement may mean the difference in their lives...
The girl I spoke of in my journaling, (the one who was contemplating suicide) was someone I met on a different board...I don't know her IRL however she posted and no one offered her anything for whatever reason - I did and that post I sent to her made the difference in her life at that moment...She sent me an email and we went from there and that is how I found out what she was contemplating...So we talked and talked some more until I knew she was going to be ok...
In the beginning of my sitch I was a friggen wreck and I was also contemplating suicide...What if no one posted back to me? At that moment I would have felt justified with my way of thinking. However luckily the people here are like a pitbull without a bone...
I have said it before and I will say it again... If it wasn't for Puppy, I don't know where I would be right now - He took hold and I thank God everynight he didn't let go...On my first thread people would come by and say "hey" etc... However he wanted to talk, he came day in and day out and he dragged the whole thing out of me - He never gave up on me - Even when I gave up on myself...For whatever reason, God placed him here in my life and he hasn't disappointed...There is a special place in Heaven for him - That I believe with my whole heart...
When the sitch threatened to take over and I was at the lowest place possible - Puppy was here in cyberland and my Pastor was here IRL - Because of them, I am still here, living and breathing...
Just remember your words can affect someone else in a very good way and you may never even know it.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
This board/these friends just rock - I love all of y'all as well and would squeeze each and everyone of you if I could.
I do feel a bit better today...I got some decent rest and had a wonderful sermon today that was so fitting for how I was feeling...
My Pastor said something today and looked me right in the eye as he said it - "If God has called you to do something, you do it." Trying like you know what not to read into that however it won't leave my mind...
This whole time, I believed God called me to "stand" for my marriage...Once I decided it was time to be done, I have gotten nothing but signs that are opposite of what I decided...
Wanna answer me as to why?
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
