What Now?

[undefeated]

Ok..I have resolved the "miss you" and choose to ignorre it as I think it is his attempt to jerk the string and pull me in again, or take the temperature, or whatever...it is not in my best interest to respond.

Good for you. He can only prove he really misses you by cutting off contact with the OW. Otherwise it's just guilt talking. Or you could be right - he may be taking the temperature; keep you warm enough to fall back on but cool enough toward him to not interfere with his "other life." You deserve better than to be put on hold until he gets himself together and makes a choice.

He needs to put money in the household account and I have always had to remind him this time of month to avoid going into overdraft.

1. I can call to remind him.
2. I can email to remind him.
3. Not remind him, and let him figure it out on his own.

I want to do #3, but also I do not want to give him a real reason for hostility towards me. Does that matter?

Seriously tough choice here. If he overdraws the account, how does it affect you? If it affects his credit (eventually if it becomes a habit with him) and you are still married your credit will take a hit too. Also, not only is there the money that is overdrawn - there are fees, penalties, etc. Does this affect you getting money in the future? I mean, does he make enough to recoup what got screwed up and give you the correct amount next month? I wish we could find you a door #4 instead.

I can't imagine OW wanting to move in with me still here, although I am sure she wants to replace me and live my life, have my beautiful home, raise my kids, have my friends, etc.

Sadly, you'd be surprised. When I was the OW I actually moved in with my OM and his W. I had no problem with it. It was weird. She would help me take care of my son and I was living there sleeping with her H. I look back and wonder why she didn't kick my a$$ to the curb, both literally and figuratively!

So I wouldn't assume his OW would be averse to the moving in with you, if you were to allow it. But you obviously respect yourself more than that, thank goodness. But don't expect their choices, actions, plans, or even expectations to make any sense.

This is the gift of darkness. The wondering has stopped. Is he with her now? Did he just go the bathroom to call her? And on and on....self-torture.

I'm proud of you for this attitude! I want to be in that place too, to stop wondering what he's doing, how often he's calling her, blah, blah, blah. I hope I get there soon.

He is a psychologist and can't see his own distorted thinking patterns and irrationality.

Good grief. I have heard it said that most psychologists subconsciously get into that profession to heal their own maladies. I have no idea if this is true; he doesn't seem to be doing a very good job, though, does he?

I know I am going off on rants...trying to believe half of what I say.

So the A has obviously been going on for awhile, but are you new to DB'ing? Because if you are, couple things:

1. Go read the beginning of my thread if you want to see ranting, justifying, and utter bewilderment

2. I know these methods seem counterproductive - a letting go to ease a divorce - but there are people who have used these principles to turn their marriages around. Check out Puppy Dog Tails' story. It's an encouraging read.