Mixed Signals or is this Limbo Land

[MHL]

If it makes you feel better to act with love and friendship then I think you should continue that. However, if it ever comes down to it and you really need to let go, friendship may not be an option, as least until the pain is more manageable.

I will still always act w/ friendship to her and now to everyone. I have let my emotions rule me for too long, and yes it is better for me. I don't feel pain after I am with her I feel friendship. I am to the point now that I really have to actively think about the sitch or my W in order to feel pain. Don't know if that is detatchment or if it is time, I still want my W back.

Her D requests are BS!! You have a right for joint custody just as much as she does. She is the one asking for the D, why should you have to pay for it? If you can, you two really need to sit down and try to work through this and come up with an agreement together.

First, I know from MIL that her getting a L was not her idea, it was her sister's and I am pretty sure my W's aunt paid for him. This was done while she was in the hospital, so I think the L thing has taken a life of its own. Her SIL & Aunt think that b/c I work for a bank that I make a lot of money, I don't but we put on a pretty good show. We used our house like an ATM for the last 2 years, no surprise here but when the money ran out is when the problems really started to surface. So, SIL & Aunt and my W think that this is going to be some fairy tale divorce for her where she soaks me and goes on to live in a house or condo funded by some money we don't have. The sad thing is we are going to spend $6-8K between us to hammer out a separation agreement that we could do ourselves and pay a paralegal to file. I have tried to talk to my wife and she just says she doesn't want to talk about it and to talk to her L and that I should get a L. I tried talking to her L and he is a complete a$$, he thinks she entitled to some money from me, WTF???? She rents a bedroom for $400/month, and is having trouble meeting her car payment, credit card(s)??, and living expenses, I still pay her car ins and health ins. She is completely clueless, we will lose the house if somehow I have to pay her money or if she gets back in the house and I am out there is no way I make enough to give her and her be able to keep the house. Even if I fell on my sword and let her move back and I move out to keep the kid's lives stable, I could give her 75% of my paycheck and it would not be enough. It is going to take Lawyer to communicate that to her but even then I don't know what will happen. I am turning it over to God and take it day by day.

Do not cancel the MC!! If she is willing to go, use it as an oppurtunity to show her you understand her perspective on things......... I would bring up the infidelity issue in a respectuful manner and let the MC guide you through the discussion.

I am leaning towards this angle of attack, I am just curious about what her counselor is telling her and what she is thinking and how they will respond. Mind you, these are Christian counselors, I am wondering if they are going to call her out on the fact that her continued adultery is not right. If her counselor even hints that it is okay b/c we are separated I am going to jump up and throw the bible at her counselor. I truly believe that these Christian counselors, hers and mine, are responsible for where our marriage is at today. They are of the mind that you fix the individual first then fix the marriage. I will talk to my DB coach on Tues. before the appt. to see what she thinks.

Sorry to all for the long post. I have also been accused of talking too much.