Went to my first IC session and initially came out more confused than I went in. Been going over things and realized that this person only has a piecemeal picture of my life and my presentation was probably overly focused on recent drama.
Anyway, came to the realization that I have not been able to move forward in my life - not just b/c of H, it is me. I realize now that I lost a lot of my dreams in this relationship that I had when we met. I am not saying that I would have pursued them if we hadn't met or stayed together.
When I started here last year, people encourage each of us to go out and move forward in new ways with the hope that we either bring this newness back to our M or start a new life w/o them. I have not been able to do either one. I wonder a lot about that today. I used to be full of ideas and dreams most of which I managed to accomplish in my life. Now I don't care about any of it.
I think when my H came along and presented a very different picture of the rest of my life - it took awhile for me to adjust but eventually I got there. And this past year, I decided whether or not we reunited I could still make it happen for myself.
I am not blaming him for the loss of my ideas or dreams, I am just saying that i really have few interests right now or things I wish to pursue. I work at a demanding job all day, I have a variety of activity to unwind at night and weekends. I have no desire to go out or pursue any thing. GAL'ing just holds no interest for me - I have enough to do at home. Trying to imagine the rest of my life is much different now - what to do?
