newmama, I think it's both but it's mainly for myself - I have been given advice to just accept that he is gone and get IC but that's not really the issue - I am not mourning anymore that he is gone - I want to know if my memories are real or not or if I was married to a liar. I think I have the right to know and if he thinks I don't then I have to get it somehow else.
As it stands right now I am messed up for any future relationship and I won't accept that. As it stands I don't believe anyone anymore, doubting everything and that's just me.
Take i.e. the story with the tenant after we split- I never believed the story - nobody else did either but it only hit home when he admitted that it was a lie before X-Mas - until then there was always the chance that he spoke the truth.
The co-worker went straight away to him instead of talking to me and I had only sent her my email address - I didn't even ask questions yet.
I am exploring a few other options right now but of course it's very difficult as I left it so long.I know it sounds like I am obsessed and to a certain extent I probably am. I was never in a situation like this before.
Some good news for a change - had an interview on friday and will know on Tuesday if I got a new job which would be great.
