Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Thanks for the Support!

@City/Girl, yes, she will often avoid answeing a direct question. In this case, she was putting away christmas decorations (and being ugly and snippy) when I pulled her aside and started the conversation. Her "I want to put away christmas decorations" was her way of trying to avoid answeing all together.

@Trixi, yes, she plays the victim well. She has played the role throughout our sitch, blaming me for everything she feels and everything she does or doesn't do. She consistently gets upset and angry any time I point out to her that d is a choice SHE is making. She really really really wants to pin the whole thing on me.

@Greek: Thank You.

This D is going to be tough for me because she is going to force me to take al of the action and will blame me for every piece of unpleasantness she faces as a consequence. This is a difficult path for me as a habitual pleaser.

[Thinker]

Update:

After the duiscussions today and after getting yje kids in bed, w retired to bed really early. I told her I was going out (no indication where)and left. Have been at a d'd friends house since I hanging out. Just got a text from w (4 hours after she went to bed) - "are U coming home". My answer: "Yes"

[Thinker]

And now a text reaponse from mrs. T: "U r not a husband"

[Thinker]

Got home and fixed myself a cup of tea and sat in the kitchen and read for a while.

After a bit Mrs T came downstairs (2am). When she saw me in the kitchen I looked up and said "hi, how ya doin?"

She replied (very sarcastically) "great!" And immediately went back upstairs.

Note: this is the same woman who doesn't want to be married, who doesn't want to work on the m, and who (earlier this evening) didn't want to go out tonight because that would be a date and "doing that would give you(me) the wrong impression that our m might hve a chance"

Of course (I know) from now on, the fact that I went out by myself tonight, without telling her where I was going, and stayed out late, will be used as proof in every discussion that it is all my fault that the m can't work.

[Thinker]

So WOW, this has just gone BATSHIT CRAZY!!!

I went upstairs and brushed my teeth and when I came into the master bedroom Mrs T screamed "there is NO WAY you are sleeping in this room tonight" - along with much profanity regarding me being out "f**king wh@res" etc. I've never seen her like that - ever.

And thena, when I calmly said "no, this is my bedroom too and I am sleeping here" she began to hit me and kick me. No damage, but she persisted after I asked her to stop - so I called 911. She grabbed the phone and hung it up - and when the police called back, she hung up again - so of course they just showed up. Talked to me, then her, then me again, then left.

their strong advice to me on their way out was "sleep in another room tonight"

This is all over NOTHING (I did nothing but go over to a recently d'd male friends house and have a few drinks)

[Greek]

Update:

Just got a text from w (4 hours after she went to bed) - "are U coming home". My answer: "Yes"

So you have her off balance. She was either NOT sleeping b/c she has her mind wrapped around what you might be doing OR the thoughts woke her from her sleep. Either way - your talk impacted her.

Greek

[Greek]

And now a text reaponse from mrs. T: "U r not a husband"

Knowing you, you did NOT respond to this. What does it mean? It means, "Come on! I wanna fight!" Or...she's over the top VAIN. ("The Glove and the Lions" by J.Leigh Hunt. http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-glove-and-the-lions/)

Greek

[Greek]

Note: this is the same woman who doesn't want to be married, who doesn't want to work on the m, and who (earlier this evening) didn't want to go out tonight because that would be a date and "doing that would give you(me) the wrong impression that our m might hve a chance"

These are the facts. You will drive the bus on making sure future conversations stick to these facts.

Greek

[CityGirl]

WOW. Batsh*t crazy is right!

Have you let your W know that physical abuse will NOT be tolerated and should she strike you again you will press charges?

For somebody that doesn't want to be married to you she certainly tries to bait you every chance she gets. For somebody that doesn't want to be married to you she certainly gets jealous when she you leave the home. I don't see much indifference on her end.

I would keep doing what you are doing but please know you do not have to tolerate physical abuse.

[Greek]

So WOW, this has just gone BATSHIT CRAZY!!!

Where is our resident expert on BATSHIT CRAZY? Smiley??? Where you at?

I went upstairs and brushed my teeth and when I came into the master bedroom Mrs T screamed "there is NO WAY you are sleeping in this room tonight" - along with much profanity regarding me being out "f**king wh@res" etc. I've never seen her like that - ever.

My first thought = aha! She really is NOT sure she wants out of this M. But Coach chimed in with "Or she's a brat. She doesn't want you but can't abide the thought of anyone else having you." She is a puzzle! But I'm sticking with her not really wanting to D, just has NO CLUE how anything can change for the better. And I can relate to that in a way. There was a time when I thought things could not improve for us. And even when I moved home, we both had many moments of "Oh-oh ... how do we do this."

she began to hit me and kick me. No damage, but she persisted after I asked her to stop - so I called 911. She grabbed the phone and hung it up - and when the police called back, she hung up again - so of course they just showed up. Talked to me, then her, then me again, then left.

BGP

This is all over NOTHING

There is a lot more to "Nothing" in this case than meets the eye. There's a whole lot of "Something" going on with Mrs. T. You handled it just right. Your measure and level of adult, reasonable behavior HIGHLIGHTS for you (AND HER) how off balance she really is. She has real turmoil going on that she doesn't know how to pick apart.

Greek