Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[Gnosis]

SD, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not very good at "hand holding" but I'll give it a shot...

I've been through what you've going through now. It's called the Five Stages of Grief. In no particular order they are:

1. Denial (e.g. I can't believe she doesn't love me)
2. Anger
3. Bargaining (e.g. If I do ____ then ____ )
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Our minds flash between stages 1,2,3 & 4. There is no set order and there is no set amount of time for each stage. We fluctuate until we reach stage 5 (acceptance) and even then we sometimes jump back to a previous stage.

The worst thing about all this is that it takes time. Just like a battle wound, you need to let your body heal. Antibiotics and drugs prevent infection and boost the immune system but they cannot heal a deep wound. Your body does that naturally. There isn't much you can do but lie in bed and wait.

You may feel helpless because you are far from home... I'd prefer you choose to view it another way: By being far from home you have been given the opportunity to heal faster. Your W is not in your face to tear at your wounds and openly flaunt her bad behavior. That is the torture that some face. They are forced to endure the pain of having their spouses rake them over the coals on a daily basis.

You on the other hand do not have to bear it. You have been given an opportunity to build a wall of defenses. Take advantage of it. Grieve as much as you can, in private, and far from where she can witness the pain that she has caused. Let yourself cry, vent and fume now. This too makes you stronger. This too helps you heal.

Your update was a good way to do it. Another way to do it is to write out your own "laundry list." Take the time to sit down and sift through your mind ALL the things she has done wrong. No one is an angel. Write them down. I did this. I went away before the New Year to be alone to do it. It helped me detach. It helped me through my own "fog" to see that Mrs Gno was not "the perfect" wife I had programmed myself to believe. I call it a "purge" and it helped.

Wish I could offer more hand-holding type of advice, but I'm better with the strategic / tactical stuff.