Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

What else do I need to see?

What else do I need to know?

What else needs to happen, to finally kick me in my A$$ enough to be done with this crap?

Why do I continue to punish myself over HER actions?

Why do I continue to care about what she does?

Why do I continue to tell myself that there is hope? THERE IS NO HOPE FOR MY M.

Why do I even consider M counseling?

Why did I let her back into my heart, when I had already built up a small wall?

Why did I ALLOW her to take my dignity away?

Why did I ALLOW her to use me?

God I am bitter today, and I need your strength.