Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Rocked - I appreciate you and the others with help on how to state things clearly and short. One of my weaknesses is keeping things short (just like with my posts), I can sometimes ramble. Don't think I'll touch the subject of the phone tonight, its too late, i'm too tired.
It is starting to sink in slowly to me. This evening when she went to the basement, W asked me "do you mind if I go to the basement to work on this?" My answer: "why would I mind"
After the kids were in bed, she says to me, "Want me to come up here to work on it, now that the kids are in bed I can work on it here." My answer, which I know caught here off guard, cause I wouldn't have answered this way before: "It is completely up to you where you do your work, I'm fine with it either way." I could almost see the mental stutter step...she went back to the basement. And I had very, very little to no anxiety over it. If it gets much later, I'm going to head up to bed without her. That too will be a huge change...that one might be tough on me. I don't think I'll sleep unless I take a sleeping pill, but part of me really wants to see if I get more pull back or a little pull in or nothing after a day of pretty good detaching.

You hit a home run with me with the comment on the kids...I can focus on them...she doesn't see it like I do, but I see a D as rocking their foundation and I don't want to do that to them. Focus on the kids future, that can be motivating to me.

I also probably need to re-read DR. When she travels to the funeral will be a great opportunity for me to do that.

I love the words on the phone. My only question on your wording is the "feel comfortable with trust in our M"...I don't know that she cares if I have trust or feel comfortable right now. I still think she was hoping the EA would cause me to drop her cause that would have been easier.

The phone was a HUGE issue before, too much and too irrelevant for this board, but I would have never believed a phone could cause so much turmoil...of course, at that time I was still in denial over the EA even though the warning signs were there and the phone was the primary means of communication. To this day, she has it set up so no paper bill comes on the phone (after I was able to quote to her how many TMs per day and the phone # and how many calls and avg number of minutes per day)...but that's ok, cause I have the password to the account to view on-line and she doesn't. They have not been stupid enough to use the phone for TM or calls since I said no more or I tell OM's W.
The only thing she could be using the phone for that I wouldn't catch is Skype or e-mail...but she could use her laptop for that too...so whatever.