Dusk at Dawn.

[chatterbug]

Cutter, wow you surprised me when you communicated with ladybug about meeting but I suppose that it makes sense. I am nervous for you for some reason. (not bad...just butterflies!)
But why is her dad coming later?
And what about the shark??? LOL!

I want to thank you newmama. I am nervous as well. But the 180 after the phone call is to take control. So here I am.

I think that after she leaves on the 24th I will be in tears. But I will be in control that day. For it is the day she really gives up her marriage to me. And I will show enough love to her that she knows she still has this choice. But I will word it in such a way that it is not chasing. For I do understand not to chase.

And after that day. My marriage is over.

I will still work towards April. But unlike many here. I will not waste the time on ladybug. I will move forward. I talked to Gnosis about the signing today. And I just could not come up with the conversation around it. We spent 10 minutes on it. And that was that.

G had the thought of the following and i adjusted it after my evening out

ladybug you know when you sign this our marriage is over. I am no longer your husband. I am no longer your friend. From this day on I will only be civil. No more.

Something like this.

I am not looking forward to the day. But it is only a piece of paper. And after this day i am single. And I have the chance to have a family. I am so conflicted inside. I love ladybug so much still. But I can move on. And have a family.

I lean towards moving on. But I must still hold my vows... Until the end. Its damn hard.

I do not think those who have not had children understand that sacrifice. And it is a bitter sacrifice when it falls apart. One feels that they wasted those years and they know that they did not. Its very conflicting.