We all have that anger towards OW and it can be very intense. They chose to step into a M seemingly without any thought as to what it would do to another woman. I don't care what they heard from our Hs , it is just not acceptable. They don't know our history, what issues we face and they participate in what is one of the most cruel things one woman can ever do to another.
Why is our anger at our Hs not as intense? It is tempered by love, as you say. It is something that I wonder about many times.
Write the letter. I have read many times that you should pray for OP. Some days I have been able to do it. Other days , not so much .
I know how to contact OW but I will just leave her to Jesus as a good friend of mine would say. LOL.
.
