Good job GW! You are on the right track... I know it is so hard, and it feels so counterintuitive, but it is what works!
You know, I really am not sure what helped me turn a corner in my own sitch. When the PA came out, and after I got past the initial devestation that came with that, it changed something for me. I had to come to terms with the fact that I needed to DO something! I knew that my kids' futures depended on the choices I was making. I kept reading on these boards, read and re-read DR, and realized I had to be strong. The encouragement as well as 2x4's I got on these boards gave me the strength I needed.
Now, in retrospect, I think the stand I took caused my H to see a side of me he hadn't seen before. I really believe that the DB approach made a huge difference in where we are at now. But, it was very hard.
When you are tempted to pursue, or show weakness... think of your kids. Think of their future, and that their best chance of remaining in an intact family will be if you can do this. And, you can.
Strong, cool, confident, calm....
Regarding the password on the phone, say it in the same manner as above. You might want to say something like "Because the phone was an issue for us before, I am concerned that there is a password on it again. In order for me to feel comfortable with trust in our M, I need to either have the password or for you to remove it. Please decide what you would like to do." Stay calm, don't let her pull you into anything.
